The Arrival Makes 4!

We Welcome a New Arrival!

So after an eight year break from milk bottles and diapers, our fourth son, Samuel, was born 24th October, 2:25 am, weighing 3.5kg. Our hope that this time we could welcome a new baby into our lives during office hours was dashed once again.

Being Present in The Moment
So was the fourth time round any different? I think we could appreciate the significant moments of this delivery more because we knew what to anticipate and also to filter out things of little import. We planned instead of panicking. We even had more control over how we wanted the events to unfold.

Still chance for a good meal first ..

I had a second meal
at midnight

On Sunday morning Marie felt out of sorts and spent the day at home. The contractions started in the late afternoon but she felt there was time to have a good dinner before admission. We decided to try a newly renovated hawker centre in Toa Payoh. When that was done, After dinner we brought the car to the car wash first because we didn't know when would be the next time we could get it cleaned. You'd be surprised how good it is to discuss things in the car wash. The car foam blocks out the external world and muffles the noise, creating a quiet, intimate moment for talking. It was here in the midst of the car wash that we decided it was time to go to the hospital.

Execute the Plan
Once we decided, it was getting the children packed for a stay over. We were going to send them to Marie's sister, Joanne's place because she stayed nearby. Her husband Mok had  kindly agreed to drive them to my parents' for the night. For ease of packing, we told the kids that they were excused from school the next day. We thought they would be ecstatic but instead got uncertain looks 'Er...but we have exams tomorrow and the day after.'. We were already starting to learn that the lives of the rest of the family could not shut down just because this new baby was coming. This spawned a second frenzied round of packing for school before we were off!

Are you sure?
So we were somewhat disappointed at the hospital when Marie was strapped on to the CTG machine that the nurses told us there was a big NOTHING! No contractions were seen. Marie was repeatedly asked if she was sure of the contractions, was she sure she had pain, which really didn't make us feel any better. We prayed and put the situation in God's hands. Later Marie told me that in her heart, she told God that this had to be it because she didn't want to have to go through all the arrangements and packing again (earlier in the week we had already had one false alarm - we had packed everyone off to a non-event).

The red line is Samuel's heart beat,
The black line is Marie's contractions

Within the hour, the machine was recording strong, regular contractions, exactly what the nurses were hoping to see. Then to our surprise, her obstetrician Ann appeared in full make up, jewellery and a gown. She had been at a dinner function and hadn't heard her phone ring till now. Thank God she hadn't arrived earlier to send us home.

Knowing what we wanted
Our past experience had also helped us to clarify and articulate what we wanted.. We made it very clear that Marie wanted an epidural and we wanted it to work (the epidural during her third pregnancy didn't work). Yes, we know there're all these controversies about the epidural but personally I don't see how bearing the pain of childbirth makes you a better mother than one who does not. It worked really well this time and it gave Marie and I the opportunity to have a good time talking and enjoying each other's company.

Good progress and then ...

The little train icon chugs along with the sound of
Samuel's heart beat. Very cute, looks and sounds like
a real train.

The labour progressed really well and fast. Within 4 - 5 hours of admission to the hospital, Marie was fully dilated.  The obstetrician said "Daddy go take out the camera. Baby's coming out."...and that's when Samuel got stuck. I could see the obstetrician getting somewhat vexed and the tension in the room rose. I know because I've been in these situations before. One moment everything seems fine and I'm happily chatting with the patient. The next, nothing seems to be going well and I'm muttering under my breath and frowning. So what should one do in such situations? One word of advice "Let the professionals do their job" They've trained for moments like these, they know what's the best

So I played the part of the excited father, trying my bestest not to get in the way while trying to get the best angle for the shot, yet somehow getting into everybody's way.

Marie was stoic and bravely pushed with all her might. I can see why Ann had sent her to pilates class during her pregnancy. This really helped her to use her core muscles to push.

Eventually though Ann had to attach a vacuum to Samuel's scalp. It seemed that every time Marie stopped pushing, Samuel slid back in again. At one point, the vacuum slipped off and had to be re-attached. When Samuel was delivered, there was an angry red round welt on his head.

Hello!
Finally, miraculously, Samuel's head, then shoulders, then finally his whole body was out. Looking at the exit site, I am always amazed how a baby ever squeezes his way out of the mother's body. He had arrived!

What he looks like with no makeup!

Firsts and Lasts...

The Proud Pa Pa!

As I watched Samuel crying under the warmer, it struck me that the situation was a contradiction of firsts and lasts. The many firsts for Samuel - first cry, first breath, first breast feeding, first steps. But for Marie and I, it will be our last pregnancy, last delivery, last time we do night feeds, last time we wean an infant, last time we register a child for school ...

First Family Photo

For me, the significance of the moment was the feeling I had that I had turned a corner in my life and had come to a new place, a new place where that there would be less and less firsts for myself; but more and more firsts for my boys. A generation had passed and a new generation has arrived. I suddenly felt my age, not in a bad way but in a good way. At 40+ with a lovely wife and 4 healthy, handsome sons, God has certainly blessed me in my 4 decades.

Epilogue:
So how is it like taking care of a baby the fourth time? In general, we're more relaxed. A case in point - the day after the delivery, the nurse pushed Samuel into the room for feeding and we said "No, no, no - keep him in the nursery first. We still want to rest!" (actually we were watching a movie on the TV:). The nurse gave us this look which clearly said "What sort of parents are you?" but as I see it, I still have 20 years of child raising, nothing wrong if I start one or two days later.

At home, I'm no longer anxious if Samuel doesn't fall asleep straight away. If he's not drinking but awake, I put him in the rocker. If he's fine, leave him; if he cries, pick him up. If he's sleepy, put him down and let him sleep. I am getting less sleep but the funny thing is, it seems that Samuel is also less difficult to settle. Perhaps children are a reflection of their parents ... something to think about , not just for Samuel but for Joshua, Caleb and Jonah too...  
Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. Ephesians 5: 1-2

Joshua, Caleb, Jonah & Samuel