The show was about these four men who committed themselves to doing the right thing at work and at home. In so doing they were blessed and much blessed by their family and friends.
It begins with the heart ...
Much as I wanted to 'pooh pooh' the show, I was surprised by how relevant it actually was. In the past week at work, someone told me that the letters I sent out stipulating the roles and responsibilities of committees were unnecessary - nobody would feel any obligation to follow the words of those letters.
"Sure", I said, "I know these letters can't bind anybody. It really boils down to what you believe in your heart."
"What!?", was the reply, "What century are you living in? Who ever talks about the heart nowadays?"
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| Growing them up right ... from the heart |
Sometimes these type of responses at work make me feel naive and ignorant as if I were no more than a small child. But isn't this what we were taught growing up? Always do the right thing, help one another, don't lie, don't be tempted by money. It's as if as adults some people decided they could give themselves a discount. The rules were true but it didn't apply to them 100% anymore.
Discounts
It seems more and more adults have been giving themselves such discounts lately. In the past few months, the local newspapers have been filled with reports of government officers, doctors, lawyers, CEOs, teachers and even pastors who have gotten in trouble with the law. What's the world coming to when the very people whom we looked up to for what is good and honourable also failed the morality test?
We don't like talking about them ...
Laws, rules, commandments - nowadays it's passe to talk about them .... but we can't ignore the fact that they're still there, especially when a line is crossed.
When Marie and I got married, we chose this passage to be our wedding verse:
Deuteronomy 6:4-9
Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.
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| Boys only club - God calls us to teach them His Word. |
Umbrella of Protection
When the boys were much younger, one of my rules were "No two people shall play with the same toy at the same time in this house!". This is sort of in line with the comedian Bill Cosby's rule in his book "Fatherhood". He laid it down after his children had repeatedly poked and irritated each other - "No one is to touch no one in this house for the rest of their lives!"
But seriously, the boys' playschool teacher used to teach them that obeying their parents is like having an umbrella of protection over them. We found this analogy a very useful reminder whenever we had to discipline.
Now in their tween and teenage years, we are teaching them to internalise their own sense of right or wrong. We emphasise that the greater freedom and choice of adulthood comes with the need to demonstrate greater self-control, to have better decision making and to be honourable at all times - especially when no one is watching.
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| Obeying can be hard sometimes ... |
The fruits of discipline
I have always worried that I have 'over-disciplined' Joshua, my firstborn. One of my concerns is that he would turn out to be shy, awkward and have unrealistic expectations on people just like me. However, it continues to surprise me how popular he is among friends and their parents. He gets lots of invitations to homes and parties (we call him the social butterfly); and we often receive compliments from other parents about how well behaved he is. We have reminded Joshua that this is one of the benefits of having learnt self-discipline. Parents are more inclined to agree to their kids hanging out with well-behaved kids. We are also more confident in letting Joshua go for these activities.
How to raise a teenager
However, the rules of the game of son-raising keeps changing. As parents we're learning that there is a different set when it comes to raising teenagers.
Recently Joshua had so many social and extra-school activities that we barely saw him; and when we did see him, he was too tired to engage us properly. We decided that this was unacceptable and some parental control needed to be exerted. Parents of old would have said, "You think what, this house is your hotel is it??!!" (Marie reminded me to write that I did say that to him in one of my angry moments recently).
Negotiations ...
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| A proud moment! |
We did eventually come to an agreement on some positions - "No late night movies - home by 8pm latest" but we also found creative ways to increase contact time with him, e.g., picking him up from school rather than expecting him to come home by himself. Ultimately he still preserved a significant portion of his social life and we also had more time with him through the week.
Back to the heart again
Coming back to my job again, I am thankful that it does
not require me to make any large scale purchase decisions for the organisation and expose me to temptation. Nevertheless, I realised that the organisation gives me a much greater latitude to make decisions compared to more junior staff. I could sit and gloat that I would never be
caught in a similar situation as those reported in the newspapers but I would be on dangerous, slippery ground.
The point is that the fewer external controls there are to check a person, the more internal controls he must have to stick to the narrow path of righteousness. As it says in Matthew 7:13 - "Wide is the gate and broad is the path that leads to destruction."
20 years of working
Contrary to my colleague's belief, the truth is that the heart is exactly where the battle is fought. This year I would have worked for exactly twenty years. It is the daily waking up to another day of choosing and doing the right thing that has kept me enthusiastic and passionate about work all these years. I am certainly not perfect but I do try every day. Over time it seems the good does build up and that is what gives me a sense of satisfaction at work.
Entry level good ...
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| Almost as tall as his dad. |
I am also learning in ethics class that compliance to human laws is but the entry level to standards of justice and righteous. We should not be lulled into complacency to think that we're OK just because we haven't broken any human laws. God calls us to a greater level of holiness and righteousness based on His standards in the Bible. When I am faced with such standards, I can no longer gloat but humbly recognise that I am a sinner in need of His Grace.
The Pharisees got it wrong ...
For years when I tried to obey God's rules I
would grit my teeth and flog myself for every slip. I thought this was the
right way but actually it only produced in me a Pharisee, not a loving child of God.
I am learning that love is a two way process and that the way to learn to obey
is not teeth gritting nor self-flagellation but the understanding that God
loves me. His commandments are another doorway into understanding His love for me.
Jesus - the true model of good
Jesus said when He was on earth, “Anyone
who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father
will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them. Anyone who does not love me
will not obey my teaching." (John 14:23-24)." When Jesus was on earth He repeatedly criticised the Pharisees for their legality and burdensome laws (many self-invented and not from God). That was not a model of a person who loved and obeyed God. Jesus Himself was the perfect model. He was the only person who ever obeyed God fully and yet He had such love for people that they were always drawn to Him.
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| Like father like son ... |
God calls us not to robotic obedience. If only
Adam and Eve had talked to God about not eating from the Tree of
Knowledge of Good and Evil they would have learnt more of God's love for them.
Instead, they accepted at face value the deceitful words of the serpent
that God was denying them good things. In believing the
serpent and rejecting God they damaged their relationship with Him.
'No' can be good for you!
I have a friend who tells these
wonderful stories on Facebook about her daughters. Recently, she told a story about one
of her daughters who caught her eating a bag of chips past its expiry date. Her
daughter asked for some; and of course the answer was 'No'. Not willing to accept the answer, her daughter pressed in to ask, 'Why, Mom?'. I am not sure if her daughter will remember why she
was not allowed to eat expired potato chips but I am sure she will remember the
good time she had talking to her mother.
So this is what God calls us to - to love and obey His Laws; and in so doing, to love Him and to know His love as well. Amen.
