God Hears Our Cries

Birthday Breakfast

                 Happy Breakfast Birthday!               

It was one of my sons' birthday and Marie had planned a zoo trip because it was also a school holiday. Not knowing about the school holiday until too late, I didn't manage to take leave from work. I was feeling somewhat guilty about it and managed to shift things around my calendar so that we could have a birthday breakfast celebration together.

The breakfast was going fine until the end when we looked up and noticed that the sky had turned dark. Even before I finished saying, "Don't know if it will ...", it started to thunder and rain. For this particular son of mine, birthdays were the paramount social event of the year. His expectation for this to be the perfect day had soared to a crescendo when it was brought crashing down into a bottomless pit; and he began to cry.

Crying Children

The rain that derailed the Zoo plans

Now I hope you will not judge Marie and I harshly. As parents of four boys, we have very little patience for children who fuss or cry. What is worse than having one child cry is having two children cry at the same time (not to mention three) - and they don't always cry about the same things. While dealing with the crying ones, the others who are not crying still need to be tended to. We very quickly move into the "zip it" or face the consequences mode. I think for me at least, my patience with their crying got less as they grew up. So in this instance, statements like "You're a teenager now ...", "You need to learn that there will be disappointments in life ..." and so forth came out from our mouths very quickly. Unfortunately the clouds were also not helping that day - they just got darker and darker, like the mood at the table.

How God Would Respond to Crying?

After the incident I reflected upon my response to my son's crying. Did it mirror how I thought God would respond to me whenever I came to Him with life's disappointments and regrets? Would He tell me to "zip it" or that "Life is tough and what doesn't kill you will make you stronger?". 

In response, God brought me back to the story of Hannah in the Bible (in 1 Samuel Chapter 1 - 2). Here was a woman who, at the start of the story, was unremarkable. She was one of two wives of a man. She was stuck in an unenviable situation of having no children while her counterpart had a brood. Therefore she had to endure constant taunts at home. Even though her husband loved her tenderly, it could not fill the deep emptiness her barrenness had left in her heart. 

Every year, the family when to Jerusalem for the annual rituals. In one of those years when her torment had been particularly difficult, as the Bible recorded, " In her deep anguish, Hannah prayed to the Lord, weeping bitterly." The priest in the temple thought she was drunk as he watched her pray (why are we always so judgemental of people who express their grief in public?). As Hannah explained to him: “Not so, my lord, I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the Lord. Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief.” (1 Samuel 1: 15 - 16)

Sometimes Blue Skies are just round the corner

To cut to the chase, God heard Hannah's desperate cry to Him. Shortly after, she conceived and bore a son who would have a significant role in Israel's history; and thereafter she bore more children. No wonder in 1 Samuel 2: 1-2, Hannah sang a song of praise to God:

“The Lord has filled my heart with joy;

    how happy I am because of what he has done!

I laugh at my enemies;

    how joyful I am because God has helped me!

“No one is holy like the Lord;

    there is none like him,

    no protector like our God."

Never too small for God

For all intents and purposes, Hannah was not considered to have been of any significance in her society during the culture of her time; and her prayers to have a child to shed her shame was not exactly world changing. It would have been fair to wonder why God should even listen to her much less answer her prayer? But He did. I think the point is this - whether it is the deep desires of a woman for a child or the wish of a birthday teen to have a zoo outing, God hears us. Sometimes we are wrongly led to believe that either we are of no significance or our prayers are overly parochial and self-centred for God to hear us. 

I do not want to make God out to be just a Santa Claus up there in the sky who is there to make our every wish come true. I believe neither are we spoilt kids who throw tantrums when we don't get exactly what we want. Growing up my parents would say whenever I was in the toy shop "You can see but you cannot ask to buy." Not every desire is wrong and we often bury these deep because we've been taught from young it's wrong to want. What we really long for is that someone, no less the God of the universe, to hear us and acknowledge our deepest cries, our keenest needs as valid and worthy. Knowing that we have been heard is what we really want. We can also trust that after hearing He will take the best course of action on our behalf. As the Christian author Josh McDowell said "He who knows you best, loves you most".

Happily ...

As a happy ending, while the skies didn't clear quick enough for my son to have his birthday zoo trip, they spent a terrific few hours at a shopping mall and capped off the day with a ride in a cable car when the sun and blue skies returned several hours later. He didn't get exactly what he wanted but he agreed that in the end it was a terrific day after all.

As I learnt, God always hears us when we cry and has compassion on us. I pray that He will also give me that compassion the next time my children cry in front of me.

Happy Ending to a wonderful Birthday Outing!

All Bible Verses NIV unless otherwise stated and viewed from BibleGateway.com

Burp Once for Guy Friends!

Friends - a fundamental need
We all need friends. Fundamentally we are all created to have a need to be known and then be liked for no other reason than the good company we provide. We need to know that for some inexplicable reason, our persons are interesting enough and our conversations are funny enough that someone in this whole wide world will want to hang out with us. We need friends more than we're willing to admit - we tell ourselves if we have a family, a good job, financial security, we're set for life. Our heart tells us that's just not true. 


A lunch treat  
So I am glad that recently I could have lunch with my good friends, Kian Woon and Kim Chan.

Who would have thought?
30 years later and still having lunch together

When I started my current job two years ago, it took several months before it hit me that Kim Chan's office was just right across the road. It would be an incredible waste if I did not make time to meet up with him for lunch. Late last year, Kian Woon's work place moved closer to ours as well. This was the first time in all my years of working that good friends were working close by. Knowing that in two years time my workplace would be moving to a new location, the opportunity to meet up with these friends regularly is all the more precious.

Having said that, it still took us scheduling the lunch one month in advance to make it possible. "Can you imagine that?!!" we exclaimed when we finally met up. How impossibly busy our lives had become with work and family commitments.

When we sat down to eat, it took us a while to get into the groove of old friendship. We tried a bit too hard to be nice to each other. For high school buddies who used to snatch food from each others' plates while in school, this was a bit unnatural. I was glad that we got past this initial awkwardness quickly and were soon throwing good natured taunts at one another. (My son Jonah learnt this phrase "good natured taunts" in his English writing class but when he wanted to use it in a composition, he forgot and wrote "well mannered curses" instead, to the great amusement of us all).

1984 - When good dress sense did not prevail ...

I regularly have to remind the perfectionist streak in me that not every encounter with friends needs to be a soul baring event. We talked about many things - family, work, mundane things. We heard that our mutual friends were mentioned in our alma mater as success stories; but not us. We wondered why for a while, shrugged our shoulders and moved on to other things - no big deal. At least for the moment, we cared not about status or success but that we enjoyed each other's company. We laughed a lot - we laughed at each other, laughed with each other. This was genuine, good-friends, no harm intended laughter. I had not felt so relaxed for a long time.

Burp once for guy friends ...
I'm going to say this out loud - guys need guy friends. It's not a gay thing  because it has nothing to do with physical attraction. It has everything to do with being heard, understood and accepted. When physical attraction gets in the way, whether between a man-and-man or man-and-woman, the friendship is never quite the same. Harry explains this in the movie "When Harry met Sally":

When "Harry Met Sally"

The dialogue in text: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098635/quotes?qt=qt0221820

(for those who want to just read it straight can go to the end of the blog)

As the book "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" tried to explain (I think so because I've never actually read it) when a man burps, to a woman it's gross. To us men it's an expression of friendship (if you don't understand this you're not a man). It's about hanging out, kicking back. It's about fishing together and not necessarily catching something.  It's about guys talking guy things. Men need friendships that allow us to say and do things without feeling stupid. The words we say may be inane or they may be significant but what is more important is that someone has heard and understood. In this other movie "City Slickers" (co-incidentally another Billy Crystal movie), three guy friends explore their lives and their friendship:

"City Slickers (1991)"

Old Friends .. get better with age
Counting back, I will have known Kian Woon and Kim Chan for 30 years. When you've known someone for that long, they will change. We watched each other grow up, get married. Now we're watching our kids grow up. Friendships that have managed to last through the decades are special because when you've known someone over such a long time and still want to hang out, you know you've also found a friend who will watch your back.

Friends to journey with me ...

The one secret and critical ingredient to a long friendship is time; and not just facebook or WhatsApp time. Electronic medium is good for keeping in touch but long lasting friendships need real face-to-face to grow. You could not have the experience I did recently when I was meeting up with the guys. They wanted to go to this place with good food for breakfast but I said, "No, too far away. Let's just eat at that coffee shop near my place." Little did I know that the eating place I suggested wasn't open for breakfast. I arrived to find 5 glum looking guys sitting in a dark and empty place. During that breakfast (thankfully there was another good eating place nearby) I happened to take a close look at one of my friend's face and wondered since when his face had become so lined. He's been really successful but was he burdened by something he was not telling us? It's not so much the externals but the stories of friends' internal struggles and victories that cement the friendship.

Friendships begin as people who just want to hang out but it is time that will tell if there is something deeper that will hold it together for the many years to come.


God, our best friend
Yet, all the human friends we have cannot replace the void that God has created in us for His friendship - a void that only He can fill. 

There is one man's friendship with God in the Bible that stands out for me - the story of Enoch:
"When Enoch had lived 65 years, he became the father of Methuselah. After he became the father of Methuselah, Enoch walked faithfully with God 300 years and had other sons and daughters. Altogether, Enoch lived a total of 365 years. Enoch walked faithfully with God; then he was no more, because God took him away." (Genesis 5:21 - 24; NIV, Biblegateway.com). 

Once when I was driving alone, I imagined that God was sitting in the seat next to me. I listened to what God wanted to say to me. Then it came to me in my mind clearly as if someone had spoken, "Chi Hong, you don't have to try so hard to be perfect, you know. It's not as if I don't know what you're really like inside there."

A gentle rebuke from a true friend; and the tiniest fraction of what Enoch must have experienced. God always has our back, He will never change. He will always be a friend, even when He knows what you're like inside there. He loves you for no other reason than that He likes your company. Enoch hung out with God as a friend everyday of his life. He took God's promise of friendship literally and lived that out. What an experience that will be when we learn to be as Enoch was with God.

"He who knows you best loves you most." Josh McDowell.


Prologue:
For those who would rather not watch the When Harry Met Sally YouTube Snippet.

From www.imdb.com

Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends. 
Sally Albright: Why not? 
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way. 
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved. 
Harry Burns: No you don't. 
Sally Albright: Yes I do. 
Harry Burns: No you don't. 
Sally Albright: Yes I do. 
Harry Burns: You only think you do. 
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge? 
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you. 
Sally Albright: They do not. 
Harry Burns: Do too. 
Sally Albright: They do not. 
Harry Burns: Do too. 
Sally Albright: How do you know? 
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her. 
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive? 
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too. 
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU? 
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story. 
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then. 
Harry Burns: I guess not. 
Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York. 

It's the School Holidays!

My Neighbour Totoro by Hayao Miyazake
*http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/My_Neighbor_Totoro

Schools Out!

You say "School Holidays!" and I think "Sunny blue sky, white clouds, days of doing nothing, with a dash of excitement thrown in. There is an anticipation that something magical will happen (if you ever catch the anime "My Neighbour Totoro", you'll see how the show captures this imagery perfectly). 

Magical Moment...

The magical moment for me this school holiday? One afternoon with Caleb and Jonah down at the beach. I eagerly pointed out to them this little cuttlefish attacking a school of fish - how it made itself torpedo-shaped and flashed a different colour each time it shot forward toward its prey. I was enthralled until Jonah said "Can we go now? I'm getting sea sick!". 

Hokkaido?

So what's with skiing in Hokkaido this year? It seems like every other person I spoke to this year was going to Hokkaido for a ski holiday. Did I want to bring my family to Hokkaido too? Sure, I did but for two reasons. One, it would be unwise to bring a 7 week old baby on such a trip. Two, even if I could have done that, I don't think financially it would have been wise to do so. Frankly as the provider of the family, I sort of felt bad that I wasn't able to afford such a trip.

Holiday Success...Memories

Sentosa 2000

So I don't know if this is a defensive mechanism or not but I want to argue that the success of a vacation does not depend on how far or exotic a place you go to for holiday. Success is whether the holiday created for your children or yourself memories that will last a life time. 

Why are these memories important? A pastor once said "We all begin childhood with the belief that happiness is possible ..."; and along the way ... well, you and I know what happened along the way. I believe this happened because we forget to take time to create these memories as reminders that hope and joy are possible in the grind of our daily lives. How often have we met people who seem just weary of their lives? Time to take a break!

God Approved :)

This is so important that God commands it. If your company has asked of you to take mandatory leave, this still cannot compare to the seriousness God sees in taking time from work to issue it as a commandment. In Exodus 20:8 - 11 God tells us to ...“Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your male or female servant, nor your animals, nor any foreigner residing in your towns. For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy."

Sentosa 2004

Childhood Memories

Thanks  to my parents, my childhood memories are made up of beach holidays - anticipating the smell of the sea as we arrive, white sandy beaches, coloured seashells, the salty taste of sea-water, catching sea creatures, breakfasts of sunny side-ups and marmalade on toast by the sea, being roasted by the sun to a crisp while Mum nagged us (to no effect) on applying sunblock; and Dad who made us squint into the sun every time he took a photo ( the age of non-digital cameras). 

So now that I am a Dad to 4 boys, I try to create these magical moments for them too. More often than not we ended up having a beach holiday. Over the years, we seemed to gravitate back to Rasa Sentosa. This time with a seven week old baby, it was helpful to be back in familiar territory and it was nice to hear a cheery 'Welcome back!' from the front desk. At the end of this year's 3 days, 2 nights stay, I am pleased to say that magical moments were created. A buffet lunch, our first night cable car ride, running after the last bus back to the hotel, zooming downhill on the Luge, kayaking and of course that little cuttlefish. So maybe I needn't feel bad that the family didn't get to go to Hokkaido.

Memories now ... Character later

Sentosa 2011

On our way back from Sentosa, we made a detour to Vivo City (a large shopping mall) as all 'good' Singaporeans are apt to do (what's a holiday without shopping right ?). At the car park, Jonah said 'Hey Pa Pa, this is where we had our adventure!'. Two or three years ago, Jonah and I had gone to a toy shop at Vivo at night, only to find all access to the car park blocked at that late hour. We were getting increasingly anxious till we finally found a way to the car. He remembers the relief when we finally got back home safe and sound. To this day, he still brings it up regularly as 'our adventure'. I would like to believe that in time to come, when he meets road blocks and barriers in his life, this memory will give him strength to press on, believing there is a way home to safety.

So how was your holidays?