Our Mortality - the end of it all, or is it?

Track Record and Voting

As I wrote on this topic of mortality, we have just gone through a nation wide election of our country's political leadership. During the campaigning period, the words "track record" was raised many times by the incumbent. Yet if you think about it, the best human track record only promises the possibility of continued good performance. Will those who are elected continue to do well in the future? Only time will tell. 

Perhaps the thoughts about my mortality and what I will leave behind started with the passing of the key founding father of our nation. In his lifetime, what he had built for the nation permeated and still permeates many aspects of the physical, mental, social, cultural; and maybe even the spiritual spheres of this little nation of ours.  It was hard not to feel emotional during the mourning period.

“I am often accused of interfering in the private lives of citizens. Yes, if I did not, had I not done that, we wouldn’t be here today. And I say without the slightest remorse, that we wouldn’t be here, we would not have made economic progress, if we had not intervened on very personal matters—who your neighbor is, how you live, the noise you make, how you spit, or what language you use. We decide what is right. Never mind what the people think.” – Lee Kuan Yew
Credit: Lonely Travelog (http://lonelytravelog.com/2015/03/23/in-memoriam-of-lee-kuan-yew/)

As "track record" got drummed into my consciousness repeatedly, it struck me that one person's track record was key to this topic of death and dying - that of our Lord Jesus Christ. 

"Boom ... and it all changed"

The other incident that got me thinking about mortality was the newspaper reports about a bomb that went off in the Bangkok City Centre a few months back. Locals and several tourists lost their lives. I wondered what it felt like for those caught in the bomb blast? Several years ago my car was rammed in the back when I was waiting to drive off at a road junction. One moment I was waiting for the road in front of me to clear - I'm not even sure I registered the bump - objects were suddenly flying in the air. Drops of liquid from my drink scattered in the air in slow motion like in the movies. I could see what was happening around me but my mind was unable to comprehend what had happened. Did it also feel like that for the unfortunate victims? Would their bodies have had time to register the blast? Would they have been thinking about dinner, shopping or the chores waiting for them at home one moment; and the next just nothingness? Or would they have been ushered into the presence of a greater reality? 

Jesus and Death

In the Bible, the book of John Chapter 11 gave an account of Jesus' response to the news of the death of a dear friend Lazarus. What stood out for me about the story was how His actions and words seemed bewildering to the people around Him at that time. His disciples couldn't make out by the way He spoke whether He meant that Lazarus was sleeping or dead. He waited 2 more days after receiving the news of his friend's critical illness before starting out to see him. Did He not remember that they walked, they didn't drive in those days? It was as if Jesus wanted to be very sure that Lazarus was truly dead and buried by the time He arrived (as was the case in the account). When he arrived, he was met by Lazarus' two sisters. To one he offered the promise that those who believed in Him would not die. To the other sister he seemed to commiserate with her grief and broke out in tears. Finally, He asked for the tomb to be opened to the utter disbelief of the crowd - the dead body would have been in such a state of decomposition that it would have emitted an overpowering odour. What took the cake was when Lazarus walked out of the tomb alive and well at Jesus' command. You could just see the jaws of the crowd drop to the ground.

I have come to learn that when a person's words are baffling it is usually because his world view is very different from mine. I hear the words he speaks but it means different things to each of us. Jesus did not see death as the end. The only possible explanation for Jesus' behaviour was that He spoke and acted as one who knew that life continued after physical death on earth. The behaviour and responses of the people to Jesus (as ours still do these days) betrayed an inner belief that death is final. There is nothing after that. As a bumper sticker said "Life is xxxx (expletive) ... and then we die".

Jesus comes to us, in a way like the aspiring politicians in the general election, asking us to believe in Him. But He was not just asking for us to believe in an academic analysis of death with Him as a powerless bystander. We are asked to believe in Him as the only one who had the power to free us from the clutches of death - "Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?” (John 11:25-26). 

As for track records, Jesus had an impeccable one. Eventually Jesus was falsely accused and hung on the cross to die by the religious authorities at that time. The documentation of his death was quite convincing. Three days later as He had promised, He arose from the dead. In John 20, in an almost comical repeat of the earlier scene, one of the sisters came to the tomb to mourn Jesus' passing. She arrived only to find the stone covering the tomb moved and the tomb empty. Jesus appeared to her and asked "Woman, why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?" (John 20:15). Puzzling questions, perhaps inappropriate even to those who saw death as the last act ... but not for Jesus who knew what the real deal was.

Daily Routines and what you leave behind

I do hope that my blog is not prone to morbid introspection or academic musing only. How do these reflections change the way I live?

Half way through the four score years ... my birthday this year

I have a nightly routine to shut down the house. I make sure the lights are turned off, the fridge doors are closed, the awning at the back is down and the main gate is closed. Some nights when I miss this routine, things go awry - the freezer door was left open one night; another time the awning was up and the downpour in the middle of the night messed up the laundry hung out to dry. In truth, I have added making ice to my nightly routine. Not the most significant thing perhaps but I was thinking that some day when I'm no longer around, the kids will say "Hey! There always used to be ice in the ice tray. Why is it always empty nowadays?"; and then perhaps they would think fondly of me for making ice for them.

IDMC Conference 2015

I didn't have a word for this desire until I attended the Intentional Discipleship Making Church (IDMC) Conference 2015 organised by the Covenant Evangelical Free Church. The word for this is "Legacy" - what do we want to leave behind when we have gone off to life in another plane? Without going into too much philosophizing or preaching, for myself, I hope that knowing that it's not about squeezing everything you can out of this the four score or so years of our lives in our physical body will make me less grasping and more giving in this life. I hope I can be less threatened by people's actions and more rested in a God who takes care of me for here and for eternity.

My good wife Marie reminded me as my third son (Jonah) comes up for his PSLE Exam this year that I had promised in my earlier blogs to share what I would learn this third round. Here is a brief preview - I decided that Jonah's memories of this exam should not only be about me scolding him incessantly about his work. I have started reading the Bible with him most nights. We have been reading about Jacob in the book of Genesis and I was surprised how God can use a shepherd's life thousands of years ago to speak to the issues a twelve year old boy faces with his brothers, his friends, his chores, his fears of the exam. Through it all, God kept saying to Him "I love you, I love you, I will take care of you." (and I guess to me too). It was a triumph for me when after one such reading Jonah himself picked out God's message for him in the passage - "God is saying He loves me and takes care of me!".

Leaving a bit of Eternity Behind

At the moment, I am reading a Sci-Fi book called "Speaker For the Dead" by Orson Scott Card (I'm not morbid, it's just co-incidental). In it he writes of himself "A writer's life is boring indeed. I write stories about people who take risks, who reach out and change the world, But when it comes to my life, it mostly consists of hanging around at home, writing when I have to, playing computer games or watching TV whenever I can get away with it. My real life is being with my wife, with my children; going to church and teaching my Sunday school class; keeping in touch with my family and friends; and, the primary duty of every father, turning off lights throughout the house and muttering about how I'm the only one who seems to care about turning them off because I'm the one who has to change the lousy light bulbs." 

The lantern I made that
won second prize in school.
Would he remember?

His life sounds just like mine! I think those of us who get to live such lives should be thankful for such quiet blessings. One of my best friends felt called by God to run for political office in this past election. He knew that it would have an impact on his personal and family life. I admire and respect him all the more for his choices. He didn't have to do it but he did because he felt it was the right thing to do.

The premise of Mr. Card's book is that at the end of one's life, someone should tell our entire life story - not just the good parts; and not even the average between the good and bad parts but even the bad parts as well. So when my time comes, perhaps my children will remember that "he was grumpy often, not very playful, liked to nap a lot, doled out pocket money regularly, made ice frequently ... and read the Bible with me." 

I believe legacy can be found in our daily mundane living ... and if that is not enough then it helps to know that life here is not the end but the beginning of an adventure that will stretch into all eternity with the One who loved us enough to die for us on the cross. 

From Sergeant Dad to Friend

'Army Camp' Home

Four Precious Young Men

Whenever people find out that Marie and I have 4 boys at home, the usual refrain is "How do you ever manage at home?". My answer is frequently "Like an army camp!". I will invariably get this look that expressed what they were not saying - "you're joking right?". OK, I'm joking, well ... maybe only half joking.

It Gets Crazy!'

It does get crazy at home making 6 different peoples' schedules work. Even the 3 year old has play school now and Friday is "Gu Ma" day (he spends the day with my sister after school). The others have school, supplementary lessons, tuition, school activities, piano lessons, church activities, hanging out with friends; and of course Marie and I have our own lives to live. Sometimes I picture in my mind a vortex spinning furiously and spitting us out in all sorts of random direction.

Last year, Caleb was invited to his friend's for a Bar-B-Q. For weeks he was excitedly telling us about it every opportunity he had. Confession time kids - yes, we try our best to listen to you but there are four of you. Sometimes when you tell us the same thing over and over again, it just becomes a background hum. So the day of the party came and with a chirpy 'Bye!' Caleb was out of the door. At 7 pm as Marie and I were sat down to dinner, we looked at each other with a rising feeling of panic, "Do you know where Caleb is? What time was he supposed to be back? Do we have his friends' number? Do we even have the friend's name?". Unfortunately the answer to every one of these questions were either "Don't know" or "No". Alarmed, we called his mobile phone. Why is it that kids' mobile phones only seem to ring when their friends call but not their parents? There was no answer from him.

'Rules, Regulations & SOPs'

Of course Caleb eventually came home happy and safe, much to our relief. I told Marie that in future when the kids wanted to go to a friend's home, they needed to fill up an approval form for us to sign off. No, we didn't really implement that but Marie and I have learnt that routines, processes (SOPs as the military calls them) and scheduled activities go a long way to minimise the chaos in a big household. Last year I introduced Marie to scheduling for the boys for their at home activities as well. The boys have chores at home and we expect them to perform them well. Woe to the one whose chores needed to be redone. One of the skills the boys have gained in our household was how to fly below the radar so that they don't get caught to sign "extra" (i.e. extra duties) as the military calls it. Over the years, to get things moving or simply to cut through the chaos, I have had to play the role of an army sergeant barking out orders. Of course the boys didn't always like it. I began to suspect that I liked being the Sergeant Dad more than I should. It started to bug me - sure it got the job done but were these my boys or my soldiers?

Our children are one sure sign of the passage of time - "Where did our babies go?" Even Samuel was three and very insistent that "I am a big boy, not a baby". Joshua, our eldest, was spending more time with his own activities and friends than with the family. This was not an unhappy rebellion but a healthy desire to gain independence and to develop his own identity in his teenage years - something that we encouraged. It was hard to let him go, especially for Marie. It struck us that with the little time that we were spending with him, we would rather be his friend than his military commander. When we reviewed what we said to the kids the whole day long it sometimes seemed like just a long string of instructions and rebuke.

Becoming Friends

Becoming friends with our children took both planned intention and unplanned opportunities. Marie suggested that for the first Sunday of every month we sat down for a family pow-wow before going out for a nice dinner. We've had the first one and it went well. At that meeting I admitted that over the years I had used anger as a tool to get things moving more often than necessary. I promised that in future I would try to use other emotions (humour is a much better alternative). It's by God's grace that now two weeks later I have still been able to keep my promise. We talked about many things that day. The kids were curious about what Marie and I did in situations they were facing from our own childhood. Telling them our life stories was a good way to teach them life lessons.

Magical Moments

The other night I was watching TV with Jonah. It was a home improvement show where the couple were choosing a property to purchase. It was a magical moment for me when instead of saying "Aren't you supposed to be studying?", Jonah and I debated which was the more likely property. We high-fived each other when we got it right. Precious opportunities come unplanned and I have to be ready to capitalise on them.

I have also decided that being friends meant that I could be more generous with the kids. Nothing expensive or fancy but an occasional and unexpected gift was great fun for them and me. Jonah has this eccentric sort of humour and loves kooky stuff. When I saw these pair of rabbit-ear headphones in the shops the other day it had his name written all over it. He was thrilled by them. I was surprised at how delightful it's been these past few days watching a pair of rabbit ears bobbing about in the house like some crazy Alice-in-Wonderland tea party.

Caleb with his middle child traits needs us especially to be his friend to gain confidence to be who he is. We've noticed that unlike Joshua who's launched himself off confidently into the world, we need to journey some more with Caleb before he found his own place in the world. I have declared this year to be "Caleb's Year of Discovery". We will try out different things in life together - go for a play, explore an historical site, eat a meal reviewed by a magazine food critic, pick up a new sport, anything he wants to do to discover his own interest.

Recently, I decided it was a good time to jog one sunny afternoon but it turned out to be too hot. I ended up not enjoying it as much as I thought I would. As I sat cooling down and drenched in sweat, Samuel came along: ,"Stand up Pa Pa! Play ball with me!". He had no problems issuing commands. This was the 3 year old who had seen every military commander technique used on his brothers. It took more than one command to get me moving but I'm glad I did! We had lots of fun that afternoon kicking the ball to-and-fro that afternoon in the little strip of grass we had by the side of the house.

"Good kick Samuel"
"Thank you"
"Good kick, Pa Pa"
"Thank you"

Some people cannot understand why anyone would ever want to have four kids. I am learning that when these kids grow up to be my friends as well God is blessing me more abundantly than I could ever imagine.

So much fun :D

Birthday Thoughts - Blessings or Rewards?

Birthday once again

September is birthday month for me – the time of the year to look back at my journey so far and to look forward to what's ahead.

My  personal baker - Marie!

Blessings

I'm still happily married to my wife, Marie, of 14 years. We have 4 healthy, handsome boys. I still have friends from my school days and have gained new friends along the way. I have a pretty respectable job which I enjoy (most days) and work hard at. I have a roof over my family's head and we have enough for a comfortable life. I'm currently enrolled in a Masters program which I enjoy. By anyone’s standards I suppose I've done well in life so far. Generally I do have a positive outlook. Yet, I find lurking in the recesses of my mind feelings of discontent that are not of God.

Discontentment

These feelings surface in very ordinary, daily scenarios. When I drive into my workplace car park in my cute little Kia Picanto and come face-to-face with the Lexuses, Mercedes, BMWs and even the occasional Ferrari, the ill winds of discontent blow through my mind. I try to be ‘holier-than-thou’ by telling myself that I chose the right thing – to have kids instead of luxury cars. At the end of my life, my kids will appreciate me more than any car ever will. Then the next question arises ‘Why do I not earn enough to afford both – kids and luxury cars?’ Some of my contemporaries have clearly done well enough to do so. Why did God not bless me so? Was I doing something wrong?

Yummy Birthday Cake!

By God's Grace

This month as I reflect on my life, God wanted me to learn this statement – “By God’s Grace, what I have and where I am are exactly what God wants me to have and to be”.

“By God's grace" sounds humble and pious but it is false humility unless I really believe it. Many times when I said "It's by God's grace..." what I actually meant was that I was good and made good choices. Therefore I deserved these good things that I was blessed with. So whenever I felt that others had ‘more’ or ‘better’ things than me, the feelings of discontent would come again.

Take the example of the cars again - if I had a Porsche and someone said, "Wah, super car!" I would say "by God's grace - He blessed me with this car" (meaning I worked hard and deserved this car). But if someone said "Wah, super car!" to my Kia Picanto (trust me, no one has ever said that), I would say "Yeah, it was cheap and I grabbed it" (meaning actually I deserved better).

Blessings or Rewards?
Many people say “I don’t want children because they affect my lifestyle and I cannot afford them.” If we are convinced that children are God’s blessings to us, then what we’re saying would be “I don’t want God’s blessings because they affect my lifestyle and I cannot afford 

Family Birthday Dinner

them.” We can’t receive and enjoy God’s blessings when we think of them as rewards that we deserve because of our hard work and good behaviour. Even though Marie and I have been blessed four times by God, there are many, many days when the boys make us wonder “Why God? Why did you have to give us these blessings? Wouldn’t a round-the-world trip for two have been better a better reward?” Seeing the boys as blessings is a lesson that Marie and I have to learn over and over again.

Good Choices & Control

Also, the premise that I could make good choices all on my own is utterly wrong. Left to my own devices and without God’s guidance, I would have made all the wrong choices in life. I sometimes wonder what life would be like if I hadn’t married Marie. She still chides me for making her wait for such a long time before I asked her to be my steady girlfriend. Somehow whenever she wanted to give up on me, we would meet up unexpectedly and give her hope again (OK, as promised, this is a story that I shall tell soon). Say what you will, there is only one reason for that – God was maneuvering us together in the background.

The stakes keep getting bigger and bigger as I got older as well. As I climbed higher in the career ladder, gained more social and professional credibility, had more bills and loans to pay for, had more people dependent on me, life got more and more complex; and less and less under my control. I could strain with all my might and work myself to exhaustion, yet I could not promise you what will happen tomorrow. There is only one who can promise this and that is God. It is good to know that the One who controls the universe also has my best interest in His heart.

Another celebration - Waffle and Ice Cream

Jesus - He took our pain

So “By God’s Grace, what I have and where I am are exactly what God wants me to have and to be” is not only a statement that reminds me to be humble and also gives me peace that He has everything under control.

What is more amazing is that as flawed, fallible people, God’s Grace is big enough to accommodate even our wrongs and bad choices. We do not have to earn God’s good graces to receive His blessings. His Grace even takes into account our failures and provides for that.

The other day when I turned on my mobile phone Bible app, it displayed the verses for the day: Isaiah 53: 3-5.

He was despised and rejected—
    a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief.
We turned our backs on him and looked the other way.
    He was despised, and we did not care.

⁴ Yet it was our weaknesses he carried;
    it was our sorrows that weighed him down.
And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God,
    a punishment for his own sins!
⁵ But he was pierced for our rebellion,
    crushed for our sins.
He was beaten so we could be whole.
    He was whipped so we could be healed.

                        New Living Translation (through www.biblegateway.com)

Honestly I was in no mood that day to read about Jesus getting beaten up. Who wants to start the day with such morbid thoughts? I wanted to go the book of ‘Romans’ to receive God’s Words of Grace for the day but the phone insisted on displaying Isaiah 53 in spite of my attempts. God wanted me to know that the very Grace I wanted from Him was possible only because His punishments for me were meted out to Jesus instead. And no matter how terrible I think my life is; yes, there is someone else who life was worse than mine. God put upon Jesus the terrible things that should have happened to me so that He could bless me with the good things. No matter how wearisome and burdensome I feel, I need to remember that what could have been worse in my life did not happen to me because it was hung there on the cross with Jesus.

Peace

This is what makes it worth it!

The other day in church, I had been tending to Samuel for what felt like an eternity during service. He had been climbing up and down and had not stayed still even for a brief moment. I was sweating from carrying him and running after him. For a break, I carried him out of the sanctuary onto the third floor, hoping that he would settle down and sleep. As I looked downstairs to the ground floor, I saw a super cool looking Mercedes drive into the car park. I had this strange feeling all of a sudden. For once I didn’t feel envious of the guy with the Mercedes. I felt a sense of thankfulness for the both of us – he with his car and me with my wriggly kid. If I believed that we were both blessed with exactly what God wanted us to have then I should be happy for both of us; and I was! It was a strange feeling that I was not used to but for once the spirit of envy was stilled; and it felt good (… Samuel fell asleep soon after that too J).

Post Note:

I felt that I needed to qualify a few statements in this blog:

1. The blog is talking about contentment with my day to day living. There is such a thing as holy discontent with where we are Spiritually. I believe when we don’t get caught up with discontentment in material matters that we feel spiritual discontentment and yearn for more of God. There is great danger in spiritual stagnation masquerading as contentment.

2. The statements about children only apply if you are clear that God specifically wants to bless you with children. God blesses each one of us with different things. There is no one size fits all. The danger for those of us who have children is when we display them as medals of valour and make those who don’t have children feel guilty.

3. A friend said after listening to me compare my Picanto to a Porsche once again, “Are you sure you’re a car person? You don’t really look like one.” Guilty as charged but you understand why I chose this illustration, yes? It’s a guy thing.