Self-Confidence?

School - the Crucible of Confidence?

I was at my second son Caleb's school for his Prefect Investiture. It was a proud moment for me, as it was for every parent who was there. Cameras were clicking away. I watched each boy striding up the stage confidently with their newly appointed leadership roles and responsibilities. It was no surprise that at the investiture the pastor preached a sermon on "Self-confidence". 




Self-Confidence - where are you?
In my mind ran a thought as I listened to the sermon: "Isn't self-confidence an oxymoron of sorts?" In this age of self-help, self-motivation and self-empowerment, it's probably politically incorrect to say that I don't believe in self-confidence. I did not have such opportunities as a child; and certainly not the confidence that this bunch of boys had. I was painfully shy growing up and socially awkward, perhaps the results of a sensitive spirit, an overpowering desire to please and merciless teasing from an uncle. Even now I still have butterflies in my stomach at social gatherings and am more comfortable in formal work situations where the relationships and interactions are clearly defined.




The Flying Bee
I've heard that apparently scientist say that bees should not be flying at all because their wings are the wrong shape*. But yet they continue to do so, a wonder of creation. I think of myself like a flying bee, that I should not be where I am at this point in life but yet I am - a miracle of sorts.


Take for example my social skills - I had serious doubts that I could ever get married. My parents also had the same doubts apparently. In my mid-twenties, they secretly sought out my friends to ask them if there was anything wrong with me and if not, could they please introduce some nice girls to me? As if things could get anymore embarrassing but at least I am thankful there were no disastrous blind dates to scar me further. 

Arnotts wafers - Yummy!

Such a match making challenge as I needed God to be the match maker. When Marie and I were both ready for a committed relationship, we caught each others' eyes. How we got together is another story about a purse and candy coloured wafers (a story I promise to tell sometime this year). Now 14 years of marriage and 4 kids later, I'm still amazed that I could be so blessed.


King David, Flying Bee No. 1
The pastor at the investiture used King David as illustration and he was indeed a good example to study. When David was just a boy, God sent the prophet Samuel to Jesse, David's father with the prophecy that a king was to be found amongst his sons, Jesse didn't even bother presenting this youngest son of his, thinking his older brothers to be more worthy of the kingship 
"And Samuel said to Jesse, “Are all the young men here?” Then he said, “There remains yet the youngest, and there he is, keeping the sheep.” 1 Samuel 16:11". David's father's actions may not have built his self-confidence but thank God that David built his confidence not in himself but in God.


We next read of David, when the Philistines were at war with Israel. He, still too young to be conscripted into the army, brought bread upon his father's bidding to his brothers on the war front. What he saw on arrival were the Israelite soldiers cowering before Goliath, a Philistine of gigantic proportions who was insulting the army of God. As a boy, no one would have blamed him if he had dropped off the bread and scurried home. Instead, he stayed and said this "Your servant has killed both the lion and the bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God. ³⁷ The LORD who rescued me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will rescue me from the hand of this Philistine.” 1 Samuel 17:36-37


David, with an impressive kill list of lions and bears could have gone forth in the confidence of his own abilities but he did not say that. His trust was instead in God whom he had seen take care of him over and over again - a young boy with a faith exceeding many adults. No surprise that God had chosen him as a future king.


King Saul - crash and burn
I think it would not be wrong to say that it was a heart-sink moment for King Saul, the reigning king at that moment. Of all his soldiers, a mere boy to save the day? But he had no other volunteers. So in his human thinking, he dressed him up in human bravado. 

"He put a coat of armor on him and a bronze helmet on his head. David fastened on his sword over the tunic and tried walking around, because he was not used to them. 1 Samuel 17:38,39a

If only King Saul had learnt from God to look at the inner man and not the externals - “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7. 


It was his dependence on human externals that resulted in his disastrous reign and a tragic end - a counter story to David's life.

Those who are keen can go to this website
to find the complete story of David and Goliath.
Quite good for teaching children true confidence
http://gardenofpraise.com/bibl14s.htm

David's winning formula
David, unused to these external props rejected them - “I cannot go in these,” he said to Saul, “because I am not used to them.” So he took them off. 1 Samuel 17: 39b


As the oft-told story goes, David picks up his trusty sling and with a practised shot, sank the stone into Goliath's head and killed him; thus winning the battle for the Israelites and defending God's name.

God, keeps me in-flight at work

Once colleagues, now friends

I know that some of you reading this blog are people I have worked with, even supervised. Whether you perceived it or not, there were times at work that I was silent when I should have challenged the situation, over-reacted when I should have kept my cool, at times used anger and impatience unnecessarily. I put on these external bravado as a means of hiding my own lack of confidence in handling the situation. What I should have done instead was to throw of these useless external props and learn to move in confidence in God's care, just as David did in facing the giant.


I did not start my career thinking or pursuing management or leadership roles. I've always thought that my career would be that of a technical specialist, managing my own performance. Yet, here I am, not just managing myself but others as well. There have also been instances, I've been told, when people were actively trying to find alternative positions for me because I stepped on their toes (aka office politics). But this bee continues to fly, not because of my own abilities but because God takes care of me.


Not Self-confidence, God-confidence
In the end, the truth is this - the Bible does not teach self-confidence. The Bible teaches us God-confidence. It constantly warns us of our fallen nature, our propensity to do the wrong thing, the constant need to strive to prove that we can accomplish something. People who have learnt God-confidence, have instead a quiet air of peace, they act with strong convictions, move with determination and yet are always meek and humble, never proud and arrogant.


Hebrews 11:32 - 34 tells us
^"32 And what more shall I say? I do not have time to tell about Gideon, Barak, Samson and Jephthah, about David and Samuel and the prophets, ³³ who through faith conquered kingdoms, administered justice, and gained what was promised; who shut the mouths of lions, ³⁴ quenched the fury of the flames, and escaped the edge of the sword; whose weakness was turned to strength; and who became powerful in battle and routed foreign armies. "


And again, In Romans 8:37 - 39
³⁷ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. ³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[k] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.


So this is the God-confidence of those who have faith in Him. Chuck self-confidence and find God-confidence instead. Amen.


Epilogue:
* So apparently scientists have finally learnt how bees fly with modern science. Another wonder of God's creation. For those of you into nature documentaries, the following YouTube clip should be interesting for you!

Bee Flight, Facts about how bees fly,

Channel 9 Australia on Richard Hammonds Invisible World

A Significant Life - insights from Friends, Diapers and Lord of The Ring (LOTR)

Success and Significance
Every Chinese New Year my buddies from school gather. We've known each other for decades and catch up several times each year. It's great to know that we've been able to maintain the friendship for decades.

It's always fun when we meet and sometimes, like this last one, it was special. Amidst the laughing and the eating, in a moment of spontaneity and totally without any guile or boasting, one of the guys lifted the veil and shared with us significant moments in his career - moments that we had not previously known about.

Old friends, good food and great laughs - what could be better?

Men of Substance
This guy, he was my best friend in school but over the years with career and family demands, we've had less time for our friendship and it's changed. We're still good friends but I'm less familiar with what's happening in his life.  So this was also the first time I've heard his account of how he came to the success in his career.

Career success aside, what impressed me more from his account was how he was recognised at work for courageously speaking up for what was right, even at the risk of angering his superiors. I couldn't help but feel happy and proud for him; that his character and moral fiber were made up of good stuff. No surprise then that God would give him the opportunities to find favour in the eyes of superiors.

There are many similar accounts in the Bible as well of men who were put into significant positions, men such as Abraham, Moses, Joseph, King David, Daniel etc. These men were not perfect but each chose at significant moments to stand up for what was right in God's name; and so God gave them the privilege of being his instruments of change in society for the glory of His name and the good of society.

Stay Home Moms (& Dads) are Significant!

Who would have thought -
something so small and so cute
would take so much out of us?

Marie and I have been talking about the significance of our lives recently. Before we got married, we agreed that when the children came, she would stay home as a full time homemaker. Credit to Marie that she has been doing this for more than a decade and has run our household excellently. What would we do without her? Yet, as many women (and I guess some men too) who have chosen to stay home full-time have experienced, Marie often fights this nagging feeling that she cannot justify the significance of her work. Honestly, there is nothing quite like a new baby at home to make you wonder what life is about - how can cleaning buttocks, breastfeeding, burping, putting baby to sleep, etc., compare to a top notch corporate career?

Even for myself, I would say that I have done fairly well (from a human perspective) in my career. But even then, I catch myself sometimes worried about the wrong things.  Honestly, for a period I loathed reading the Sunday Edition of the local papers because it was just full of stories of people who had money, who were making money, who wanted to teach us how to make money. But if I blame the papers, then I have also myself to blame because I choose to believe that money brings significance (the more money the more significance) and therefore be threatened by stories in the papers about people who can afford things that I cannot.

It's Who defines Significance & Success that matters
When looked at from an earthly perspective, Jesus' time on earth appeared to end in failure. His proclamation that He had come to fulfil the prophecies of the Messiah seemingly ended in a disastrous trial, torture and death on a cross - punishment meant for common criminals. Yet three days later, He arose from the dead, once and forever defeating sin and death, showing the world the significance of His life on earth.

Marie takes good care of us!

The issue I believe is that we want to define for ourselves what should be considered 'successful' and 'significant'; and too often this definition comes from the world. What Marie and I believe is that the lives we have are from God. He has already made us significant and give us significant lives to live. We don't need work or possessions to make us significant. The crux is we don't need to create our significance, we live out the significance that has already been created for us. Of course, this is easier said than practised.

Marie strives everyday to change diapers and clean milk stains with this in mind. She sings to herself this song that we used to sing in Sunday School:
"In the house and out of doors
Brushing shoes and scrubbing floors
Baking, ironing , brewing tea,
Sometimes making hokkien mee!
I do it all for Jesus, I do it all for Jesus, I do it all for JESUS!
He's done so much for me."

LOTR - What we learn from Sam Gamgee
I end this blog with thoughts about the ending in Lord of the Ring. For those who may not be familiar with this fantastic tale from J.R.R. Tolkien (now made into 3 movies), Frodo the hero of the story, supported by his faithful sidekick Sam Gamgee, goes on a quest. Frodo bears the burden of carrying an evil ring and finally throws it down a mountain lava pit to destroy it forever.

But that is not the end of the story. Frodo it seems, changed profoundly by the experience, could not find peace at home anymore. He decides to follow the elves to disappear into the ethereal mists as they leave human lands forever. Sam Gamgee, on the other hand, the more provincial of the two, decides to stay home, marry his childhood sweet heart and have loads of kids.

In the end, whose life was more significant - Frodo, the hero of the story or Sam Gamgee the side kick? As I thought about it, I realized that given a choice, I would rather choose to be Sam Gamgee than Frodo. After all, I married my sweetheart, had lots of kids and I'm not so hot about traveling to strange lands anyway (unless there's a nice hotel). My point is, each one of us has a significant life, it is created specially by God for us - some of us are created to be Frodo-s and some are created to be Sam Gamgee-s. Each should live the life he / she has and find significance in that. I think we'll all be happier hobbits* for doing that :)

This part meant for LOTR fans or those who want to know more about Hobbits:
*Hobbits are a fictional diminutive race which inhabits the lands of Middle-earth in J. R. R. Tolkien's fiction. According to the author in the prologue to The Lord of the Rings, Hobbits are "relatives"^[1] of the race of Men. (Wikipedia)

Sam Gamgee playing his part to encourage to Frodo to press on in the face of great peril. 

As you can see in his words below, he likes a good story just like me!

"It's like the great stories, Mr Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were .. and sometimes you didn't want to know the end .. because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was, when so much bad had happened? But in the end it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines, it will shine out the clearer.

Those were the stories that stayed with you, that meant something. Even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr Frodo, I do understand . I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going...because they were holding on to something."

"What are we holding on to, Sam?"

"That there's something good in this world, Mr Frodo. And it's worth fighting for!"

A final farewell from Frodo - and back to the Shire for Sam Gamgee. 

He props his legs up, asks his wife for a nice cup of coffee and reaches for the TV remote "Ahhh...that's the life"

(ok, I made up the last part... but I think that's what I would have done if I were Sam Gamgee)

What I learnt from scolding my son Jonah

Jonah 
When I think of how to describe my son Jonah to you, I think of the movie "Sound of Music", the part where the nuns throw up their hands in exasperation at the undefinable, uncontrollable, yet lovable Maria.

How do you solve a problem like Maria?

How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?

How do you find a word that means Maria?

A fibbertijibbet! A will-o'-the wisp! A Clown!

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her

Many a thing she ought to understand

But how do you make her stay?

And listen to all you say?

How do you keep a wave upon the sand?

How we chose his name

Friends have told us that we were asking for it, naming him after Jonah in the Bible - well known for resisting God's call to do what is right, running off in the opposite direction and  repenting only when he ended up in a whale's belly. 

But actually we chose the name after watching the show  "Sleepless in Seattle".... yes, I guess that boy in the show had a mind of his own too. But when Jonah was born my first impression was that he was God's special gift to me. He had a large round head and large round eyes exactly like those cute cartoon characters that I adore.

'Take Care of Yourself'

Born the third son into our family when his two older brothers were also young and needing much care, he learnt quickly to wait while we tended to his brothers. He was really good at this, sitting with googly eyes quietly in a corner on his high chair staring into space while stuffing snacks into his mouth. 

In this video of grandma's birthday, you see him sitting on grandma's lap looking 'blur' while his two older brothers steal the limelight and dictate what they wanted.

'You have to help me'

As the years went by and the brothers grew up, the balance tilted - more and more we expected his older brothers to take care of themselves and help with Jonah. This 'you have to help me' mentality became so imprinted in his mind that when Jonah watched the movie "Happy Feet" (about this awkward penguin coming of age) his one comment was when the penguin was left to fend for himself "Why his Pa Pa and Mummy never take care of him?"

'An inexplicable amalgam'

So Jonah is this curious mix of personalities. His favourite activity is lying on the floor with his books or LEGO toys, talking to himself, living in another world in his mind. He leaves spots of messiness all over the house, expecting things to be picked up after him. He hates to go out but if he has to, he brings books to bury his nose in. He eats what he likes and would rather not eat if the food is not to his liking.

Jonah & Samuel

'Take Care of Yourself' Again

With the arrival of Samuel last year, unfortunately, Jonah has again been relegated back to the 'take care of yourself' status. It was hard for him while waiting for Samuel's arrival. He frequently took out his baby photos to ask us 'I was a really cute baby, right?'. He was working through the emotions of giving up his 'baby of the family' status. To his credit, he's been nothing but loving to Samuel since his arrival.

School starts and it all falls apart

As the school year started, we noticed that Jonah could not follow his home routines, his chores were undone, homework was sloppy. He slept late, forgot piano practise, everyday he appeared scruffy in his school uniform. Of course this riled me no end, especially now that most of our energy was spent on taking care of Samuel. Why couldn't he make life easier for me?

Scolding don't help

One night last week Jonah received a whole string of scolding from me (I even scolded him for having a nose bleed - but that's another story). He went to bed sad and it made me stop to think. Honestly I felt like that grumpy chap in the movie 'Despicable Me' before he learnt to be a good Dad. 

In my quietness, I heard God say to me "He wants you to journey with him". Journey - what did that mean? Then it struck me - I was letting Jonah struggle on his own, obviously beyond his capability. I had made the classic parent mistake of thinking all the boys are the same. Instead of coaching and helping him, I was a harsh judge of his inadequacies on the sidelines. Not only did that tear him down, it created negative emotions for me. 

A Traveling Companion
So now, Jonah and I have a nightly routine that intersects at key points. We pack his school bag together for the next day and end the night with 10 minutes of story reading; then prayer before sleep. The day we started it, he was so pleased, he went to bed beaming. I told Marie "I spent the same amount of time with him but got a much better and happier outcome."

As I learnt how to be a better earthly father, God reminded me that He is the perfect, heavenly Dad. Often I struggle to the point of exhaustion and frustration with the challenges in life as if I'm going it alone. Jesus offers us this partnership ²⁸ “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11: 29 - 30, from Biblegateway.com

Again it is mentioned in Hebrews 4: 10 - 11a of God's invitation to rest - "¹⁰ for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from their works,^[e] just as God did from his. ¹¹ Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest," from Biblegateway.com

Jonah still has to complete his daily routines but he now finds them less of a chore with my help. So too God does not take us out of our lives here on earth. What He promises is His constant presence by our side. We no longer need to struggle at it alone but can rest in the peace that when we cannot handle something, God takes care of it. We are blessed children indeed.

A proud moment for Jonah - when he lost his first tooth.

Addendum 22 January 2012

For those who've not watched the movie "Sleepless in Seattle" - here's a few snippets from YouTube:

You hear how loud Tom Hanks can shout "Jonah!". You get the other reason why we chose that name?

Snippets from the movie to the song "A Wink and A Smile" by Harry Connick Jr.

The final scene where all the "If only..." and "What if..." find there happy conclusion.

New Interesting Blog - Childhood Reading / Classic Children's Stories

I was suddenly reminded of the fairy tale "The Princess and the Pea" by Hans Christian Andersen. You know, the one about how to test for a real princess?

I asked Jonah  (Primary 3) if he had read it before. He has the most eclectic reading habit of all the boys (mainly because he just picks up whatever his brothers have bought before him and left lying around). Even he had not read this classic fairy tale before.

We decided to google for the story and found it at this blog "Childhood Reading". It's most beautifully done with the stories true to their original writing (not adulterated to modern tastes as some new versions have been). The original illustrations in beautiful colour add to the classic feel of the site.

Well as penance for not having followed the original intent of this blog for writing and telling stories, I'm pleased to include this link under my interesting blog section. I believe these are a collection of stories that children and even adults (looking forward to reading the Edgar Allen Poe stories) should read during their lifetime.

Enjoy!

Screen Capture of the blog: Childhood Reading
http://childhoodreading.com/

It's the School Holidays!

My Neighbour Totoro by Hayao Miyazake
*http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/My_Neighbor_Totoro

Schools Out!

You say "School Holidays!" and I think "Sunny blue sky, white clouds, days of doing nothing, with a dash of excitement thrown in. There is an anticipation that something magical will happen (if you ever catch the anime "My Neighbour Totoro", you'll see how the show captures this imagery perfectly). 

Magical Moment...

The magical moment for me this school holiday? One afternoon with Caleb and Jonah down at the beach. I eagerly pointed out to them this little cuttlefish attacking a school of fish - how it made itself torpedo-shaped and flashed a different colour each time it shot forward toward its prey. I was enthralled until Jonah said "Can we go now? I'm getting sea sick!". 

Hokkaido?

So what's with skiing in Hokkaido this year? It seems like every other person I spoke to this year was going to Hokkaido for a ski holiday. Did I want to bring my family to Hokkaido too? Sure, I did but for two reasons. One, it would be unwise to bring a 7 week old baby on such a trip. Two, even if I could have done that, I don't think financially it would have been wise to do so. Frankly as the provider of the family, I sort of felt bad that I wasn't able to afford such a trip.

Holiday Success...Memories

Sentosa 2000

So I don't know if this is a defensive mechanism or not but I want to argue that the success of a vacation does not depend on how far or exotic a place you go to for holiday. Success is whether the holiday created for your children or yourself memories that will last a life time. 

Why are these memories important? A pastor once said "We all begin childhood with the belief that happiness is possible ..."; and along the way ... well, you and I know what happened along the way. I believe this happened because we forget to take time to create these memories as reminders that hope and joy are possible in the grind of our daily lives. How often have we met people who seem just weary of their lives? Time to take a break!

God Approved :)

This is so important that God commands it. If your company has asked of you to take mandatory leave, this still cannot compare to the seriousness God sees in taking time from work to issue it as a commandment. In Exodus 20:8 - 11 God tells us to ...“Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your male or female servant, nor your animals, nor any foreigner residing in your towns. For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy."

Sentosa 2004

Childhood Memories

Thanks  to my parents, my childhood memories are made up of beach holidays - anticipating the smell of the sea as we arrive, white sandy beaches, coloured seashells, the salty taste of sea-water, catching sea creatures, breakfasts of sunny side-ups and marmalade on toast by the sea, being roasted by the sun to a crisp while Mum nagged us (to no effect) on applying sunblock; and Dad who made us squint into the sun every time he took a photo ( the age of non-digital cameras). 

So now that I am a Dad to 4 boys, I try to create these magical moments for them too. More often than not we ended up having a beach holiday. Over the years, we seemed to gravitate back to Rasa Sentosa. This time with a seven week old baby, it was helpful to be back in familiar territory and it was nice to hear a cheery 'Welcome back!' from the front desk. At the end of this year's 3 days, 2 nights stay, I am pleased to say that magical moments were created. A buffet lunch, our first night cable car ride, running after the last bus back to the hotel, zooming downhill on the Luge, kayaking and of course that little cuttlefish. So maybe I needn't feel bad that the family didn't get to go to Hokkaido.

Memories now ... Character later

Sentosa 2011

On our way back from Sentosa, we made a detour to Vivo City (a large shopping mall) as all 'good' Singaporeans are apt to do (what's a holiday without shopping right ?). At the car park, Jonah said 'Hey Pa Pa, this is where we had our adventure!'. Two or three years ago, Jonah and I had gone to a toy shop at Vivo at night, only to find all access to the car park blocked at that late hour. We were getting increasingly anxious till we finally found a way to the car. He remembers the relief when we finally got back home safe and sound. To this day, he still brings it up regularly as 'our adventure'. I would like to believe that in time to come, when he meets road blocks and barriers in his life, this memory will give him strength to press on, believing there is a way home to safety.

So how was your holidays?

School Results (PSLE) - What I'm learning about school grades

Thanksgiving!
So 巧 or co-incidental that this year's 24th November was my eldest son, Joshua's Primary School Leaving Examination (PSLE) results' release, my youngest son, Samuel's one month celebration (both rites of passage in our local community) and the U.S. Thanksgiving. It was indeed a good day to give thanks.

My handsome sons:
Joshua (12 years) & Samuel (1 month)

Pursuing Grades - of this World or not?
Living here where academic excellence is do or die, where parents spend inordinate amounts of money on extra classes for their kids and say that they feel like they themselves are going through their kids' exams, I've always asked myself "How should Christian parents live differently?" 


If the Bible calls us to be in this world but not of this world, to avoid conformity to the patterns of the world - should we rush them from school to tuition to enrichment classes all day long and celebrate only when the kids bring back top marks? The local phrase we use is "怕输" - "scared to lose"; or in proper English "Fear of failure". Are we as Christians just as scared to lose as our non-Christian counter-parts? If we are then is there something missing in our faith?


Our words betray us?
And what should Christian parents say when asked about their childrens' results? The standard answer seems to be "Oh, none of it is my credit, it's all to the glory of God." Personally I find these answers unsatisfactory. It cannot apply to all situations and is mostly used by parents when their children get good grades. What of children who do not get 'good' grades, did they not bring glory to God? Or if grades were blessings from God, were they not blessed because they've not been 'good' somehow?


Good Grades or Good God?
In my musings I have come to realise that there are two dangers with pursuit of good grades:
1. That it is but the start of chasing after things in life that leads us to be defined by things, such as a great career, wealth, fame, good looks etc., rather than to be defined by the identity we have in Jesus and His death for us on the cross.


2. That we look at grades as an assurance of success and security in life when they are actually only options and choices for life's next steps. Every grade gives an option, there are no dead ends, especially when we are under God's care.


As I have written in my recent blogs - those who believe that worldly success brings joy and fulfils our hearts' deepest yearnings often learn regretfully that this is not true. My wife asked me why I was rather sanguine about the whole PSLE thing and my reply was that after working this number of years, I have realised that the amount of emphasis we place on academic excellence is somewhat misplaced. Those who only know how to study for grades are often lacking in social skills that are even more important in the workplace.


What I learnt from Joseph
During this period God brought me back to the life of Joseph (for those who are not familiar with this man in the Bible - look him up in Genesis 37 - 41. You can go to Bible Gateway http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=genesis%2037%20-%2041&version=NIV)


Joseph was the favourite son of Jacob, the patriarch of the nation of Israel. Unfortunately, Joseph's brothers were so gripped with jealousy and envy that they plotted and succeeded in selling him to Egypt as a slave. This led to years of incarceration and slavery for Joseph till God's gifting on him were finally recognised by the pharaoh of Egypt through a series of events. Through these difficult years Joseph had but one option, to wait patiently for God to act. Eventually, God elevated him to a position second only to the Pharaoh and saved the people of Egypt from a devastating drought.


Honestly, which parent would not want for their child to be in Joseph's final position in Egypt? Probably all. But which parent would want their child to go through the journey to get there? Probably none. Yet the learning point is this, Joseph's life (and the rest of ours for that matter) was not something that could be engineered by man, only by God. So if Joseph had lived in modern times, none of those extra classes, top marks, top schools would have led to that position of 'success' that parents so desire for their children.


So what grades did Joshua really get?
You may think after all this that the reason why I'm writing this is because Joshua's results were not so good. The truth is that Joshua got good solid results, enough to get him to the school of his choice* and to have options to choose courses he desires. He is pleased with himself as we are with him. He may not have appeared on any 'top' lists but his results are a good reflection of the solid, consistent work that he has done through the year. Marie and I were already proud of him, his discipline and determination in his studies before the results were out.
* I am not writing down Joshua's actual results because he has already posted them on his own facebook page and I am of a generation that is more discreet when it comes to public announcement of grades.


I'm still learning too...
The real reason why I'm writing this is because I am no less affected by the pressures of academic success. I too get unhappy when the boys come home with 'not good' results. I have grown up with the belief that top grades are everything; and I believe within me I have much pride over this. But I hope I'm learning ...


I tried to be different when I was at school waiting for Joshua's PSLE results. To a mom whose son got top marks and gave me the usual 'It's not me, it's all God' spiel, I said, "You know, which ever grades our sons get, it's the exact grade that he needs - and that's what God has given to them." I got this blank, non-comprehending look, perhaps because I truly took the glory and gave it to God, not to her or her son. I'm still not sure this is the best way but I think it's a step in the right direction.


Edited by lovely wife, Marie ...

A Broken Fairy Tale

My wife tells me that if I publish this particular blog, I will have declared to many that I'm a secret celebrity junkie and that my favourite TV Channel is E! Entertainment. No shame there, I think ... for someone who likes stories, the modern celebrity is the fairy tales of old equivalent. There, did it, clicked on the Publish button and so now you know...

What Happened to Happily Ever After?
So if you're like me (secret or otherwise) and follow all things celebrity, you would have known that Reality TV Star, Kim Kardashian filed for divorce from her husband, Basketballer Kris Humphries on Halloween, a mere 72 days after their wedding (http://www.eonline.com/news/its_over_kim_kardashian_files_divorce/272506#ixzz1cvuGl5Sz)

“I hope everyone understands this was not an easy decision. I had hoped this marriage was forever, but sometimes things don’t work out as planned. We remain friends and wish each  other the best” 

(Source: quptes.whyfame.com)

It's hard to love a show-off...

Source: urbanspit.com

Honestly, when I first read of the divorce on the internet I was secretly pleased. Their million dollar wedding, one of those reality TV things, was so in your face opulent and glamorous it had but one message "Too bad you're not rich and famous like me to have this sort of wedding ... so watch and weep."

But as things unfolded my sentiments changed. In as many interviews she gave after the divorce, Ms. Kardashian emphatically said that divorce was not what she had wanted - that she had wanted to be in love, to have a long and happy marriage, to have children. It was the irony of it all that struck me. How could you be smug or judgemental about this lady who seemed to have it all - beauty, wealth and and fame, yet still have what she  wanted elude her?

But who doesn't want to be loved ...

Click for Web Link

I am reminded of a scene from the movie "Notting Hill". This movie with Julia Robert's character as a world famous American movie star who fell in love with Hugh Grant's character, the owner of a quirky bookshop. Near the end of the movie, after several starts and stops to their romance, Julia Robert's character goes to the bookshop and opens her heart to him saying "The fame thing isn’t real … you know … I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her." Of course, as it should be in any good romantic movie, never mind the near impossibility of an international movie star's marriage to a poor bookshop owner, they marry and live happily ever after.

Real Life demands Real Love

Sadly for Ms Kardashian, real life is not the same as the movies. She wanted intimacy but what she got instead was a broken heart, the attention of the paparazzi and numerous scornful comments that this was a sham marriage for money. Why? Shouldn't love and happiness be the natural outcome of someone with physical and financial assets? It seems, contrary to what the World tells us, not. Recently also in the local newspapers I read the story of this chap who is so enamoured by his iPhone 4S Siri that he asks this electronic thing to marry him everyday. 

The moral of the story is that it doesn't matter who you are - rich and famous or only known to your speaking mobile phone - deep in our hearts is that desire to be loved and known. The Bible tells us that this need, first and foremost, is only met fully by the God of the Bible. He is the only one who knows you even before you're born, who knows your imperfections yet loves you perfectly (can you imagine what it means to be loved perfectly?); and has the power, resources and ability to effect His loving intentions.

We often hear people say that they would do anything for love. From what I understand from the Kim Kardashian's interviews, she certainly was not willing to give up Hollywood for love - which was what her husband wanted, to leave the crazy limelight and have kids in Small Town, USA.

But the cross is our promise that God not only says He loves us but acts accordingly and succeeds every time in giving to us the love that we need.

¹⁶ For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life (John 3: 16, NIV, Biblegateway.com)

And so we can be sure:

³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:38 - 39, NIV, Biblegateway.com)

So the moral of the story is ...

While million dollar weddings are out of reach for most of us everyday man, let us be thankful that this is not a prerequisite to being known and being loved. 


Do you want real love or are you still waiting for that fairy tale to become real?