Love-Obedience

The one that refused to be written

I had hoped to publish this particular blog much earlier. However, after writing and several re-writes, it just refused to come out right. In the end I had no choice but to put it aside when other more pressing matters demanded my time and attention.

What I know now is that the blog wouldn't come out right because I had tried to write it with my own cleverness rather than what God had wanted to say. At church service recently, God prompted me that time had come to publish the blog with His revisions. When Pastor preached, I was struck by the similarity his sermon had with what God wanted me to write. It seemed that He really wanted us to know this.

If you love me ...

The point is this - we can say with our mouths we love God, we can feel emotional singing songs about loving Him but it is ultimately our actions in obedience to God that makes real our love. In John 14:23 in the Bible, Jesus said, “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them." (via BibleGateway.com)

As I am learning, much is revealed of the true intentions of our hearts by our willingness to obey Him.

... Organise a Barbeque

Last December, God asked our prayer group to do a simple thing. He wanted us to organise a barbecue (BBQ) to celebrate His goodness; and He wanted us to invite our neighbours to join in the celebration.

When Marie first shared with the group that God had prompted her that He wanted us to do this, we all responded with great enthusiasm.  Each one of us volunteered to contribute in different ways. I said I would put together a gift pack for the neighbourhood kids. I wanted to get these bookmarks with different colours to explain the Gospel message from the Christian bookshop. The bookshop staff tried very hard to help me but just could not find them. I ended up buying some small Christian cards and rulers with the Books of the Bible on them - not quite what I had wanted.

A small hiccup...

When I couldn't find those bookmarks, I felt discouraged. Before that, everything was fine, I was enthusiastic about the BBQ.  But after, I was asking myself, "Why are we organising this BBQ? Don't we have enough things to do?" I felt tired just thinking about the BBQ. Why did we agree to this? 

With such a small bump in the road, I decided that I no longer wanted to do this simple thing for God. He did not ask me to face hungry lions, He did not ask me to declare my faith before a firing squad, He did not ask me to sell everything I had to follow Him. He asked me to organise a simple BBQ and I wanted to give up when a minor hiccup occurred. 

What did this really say about my love for Him? Yes, certainly Marie and I have a very packed schedule with 4 children to take care of. Many people would understand if we said we found it tough to get through the day, let alone organise a BBQ and invite neighbours to join in. 

Love is going that extra mile

As I struggled with the idea of the BBQ, God asked me, "Chi Hong, why are you so distressed by this BBQ? The only thing I want you to do is to celebrate and give thanks for the blessings I gave to you this past year. Is it really that difficult just to be happy and have fun?"

God's Words struck home. If I couldn't be happy for God, what else could I do for Him? In the midst of my busy daily life, if I were not willing to go out of the way for God, what did that say of my love for Him?

As I read the Bible, God continued to encourage me with the account of the boy with five loaves of bread and two fish. His small, seemingly insignificant offering was used by Jesus to feed five thousand people. God didn't mind that I didn't get it just right. God doesn't always ask us for great sacrifices. He calls us to offer our limited, finite acts of love in exchange for His infinite, boundless love. 

So I said to God, "These rulers and cards in the gift packs, these are my loaves and fish, use it to do Your work." In God's hands, who knows what wonders would be accomplished? 

Blessed Success ...

As it turned out, the BBQ was a great success! The weather was perfect, the BBQ fire lit, the food turned out great and the kids had great fun! In the days running up to it, Marie invited three boys in the neighbourhood. On the day itself, the boys called one of their playmates to come along, whose mother then came along to see what was happening. Two families living in the nearby blocks whom we didn't know so well attended. The uncle who managed the BBQ pits dropped by with his grandchildren.  My parents came and were prayed for by Sarah and Gen from our prayer group. For myself, I had decided before the meeting that I would not just say general festive words but specifically declare God's work in our lives - how He had lead us to live in this part of the island and directed us specifically to this particular flat. I thank God it came out naturally in my conversation. We didn't share the 5 steps to salvation but we hope spiritual seeds were sown in the hearts of the people who came. Overall there was just a great sense of fellowship and joy. Of course, the gift packs were given out ...and no one complained about them (phew!). 

My prayer group learnt a small lesson about loving God. We felt a spiritual high.

Even Greater Lessons
However, I realised it would be simplistic to think that God's lessons would always be at this beginner level. He would call us to deeper and deeper love lesson. He would call us to obey when it did not seem logical nor emotionally possible to do so.

In our country recently, two boys - the only two children of a family - were crushed to death under the wheels of a cement mixer on the road. 

Their parents were heart broken and the tragedy gained the sympathy of many people. What could have been another run-of-the-mill sad story caught the attention of many more people because of what the parents did. They consistently declared the message of forgiveness in-spite of their grief - forgiveness for the driver of the truck, forgiveness for the netizens who posted photos of their sons' mangled bodies online and made unkind remarks. 

It was plain from media photos that they were Christians and it was clear why they did what they did - simple obedience to God. There is no need to belabour how difficult it must have been for them to repeatedly appear in the media sincerely declaring forgiveness when inwardly their hearts had broken into a million pieces (as the father said in an interview).

 A totally illogical response - to forgive and to show grace when the world would not blame them to hate and to show anger. What this resulted in was an unbelievable outpouring of support, encouragement and empathy from different people, race and religion in the community. One reporter in the Chinese paper even wrote in his article how he was moved by this couples' sincerity and wished them that their faith would carry them through. In my opinion, this one incident had helped many more people see God's love and grace after the bundle of negative headlines that involved Christians in the past year.

Some people would say, "What of the parents? Was God fair to them? Why did God allow this to happen?" I tell you this - when God sends out His angels to minister to the hurting today, who do you think He will think of first? These two parents will learn first hand of the love of God and what Jesus meant when He said, "Blessed are you who hunger now,for you will be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh." Luke 6:21.It seems unfair because we think life ends on this finite earth; that everything wrong should be made right before we leave this earth. But what if our lives on earth is transient and heaven is forever? What if it is not just wishful thinking but a fact that their boys are in heaven now - happier than they would ever be here on earth? Would it seem less unfair then in the whole scheme of things?

In this day and age of increasing cynicism about God's message of salvation for us, perhaps what Christians need to do is not talk more about it but to do more of it - to obey-love God more. It is our obedience that will make real our love for God; and more importantly, for God's love to be made real to us; and not just to us but to those around us. As in the BBQ experience showed me, I still have much to learn about loving God. It is a lesson that I will strive to learn every single day.

I end with quotes from this article from a friend, Rev. Chiang Ming Shun, a Methodist pastor, who wrote in Impact Magazine: 

"...We need to mobilise the laity to be Christians in the world, in their workplaces, in the schools, in business...I mean that everybody should start behaving and thinking more like Christians should in the world. We should be bringing values like love, forgiveness, grace into the workplace.

... it is not the case that Christianity has been tried and found wanting; rather it is that Christianity has been found difficult and therefore not tried." 

"Too Many Running the Church - Too Few being the Church", Impact magazine, Vol 36 No. 6 (Dec + Jan 2013), Rev Chiang Ming Shun

As he approached the town gate, a dead person was being carried out—the only son of his mother, and she was a widow. And a large crowd from the town was with her. When the Lord saw her, his heart went out to her and he said, “Don’t cry.” Luke 7: 12-13

Video of the sad accident (sorry if it don't work, try the link instead)
Link: www.razor.tv search for 'Boys in fatal Tampines accident will be missed'

Finding the Extraordinary in the Ordinary

Life Regrets
I accompanied my Dad to a doctor's visit recently. Anyone who knows Dad will tell you that he is a most kind and generous man. Yet, over the course of the consultation, my Dad spoke of his life regrets - of better choices he could have made, of friends' betrayals, of the life of a business man (he had always wanted to be a teacher).

Looking at Dad's life and what he has achieved, I don't think he has anything to be ashamed of. Still, for him, as for any one of us on this side of heaven, living life here in an imperfect world comes with its share of regrets.

In our forties (the age that I'm at), I sense our concern is of missed opportunities. We are often told that if we do not try harder or take greater risks, we will regret not grabbing the chances that came our way. In the year before Samuel arrived, Marie and I felt that our time taking care of small children at home had come to an end. The youngest had started school and we could begin to explore what God had planned for us outside of the home. Of course, the arrival of Samuel, while he was much welcomed, kicked all those exploratory plans back to square one again.

The "Life-ordinary"
As Marie and I discussed, it seemed God had called us to continue living the "life-ordinary". It felt especially so for Marie as a stay home mom, if you can even call raising four boys ordinary these days. But the daily grind of tending to the boys' daily needs, driving them around, providing their meals, nagging them to study - you cannot help the feeling of the mundane creeping up on you. The newspapers love to write stories of people who have a big brood of children and still achieve exceptional success in their careers. We are not such people - my full time job and running a household of fours boys was about as much as we both could handle.

"Was this small plot the only task that God found me worthy to tend?", Marie asked God but it is not only stay home moms who struggle with such feelings. While I think that my job contributes to the building of something significant in our society, even then the daily grind of meetings, reports, staff issues etc. get to me some days. I suspect that is why I love the "Lord of the Ring" Trilogy. These stories tell of  men (and hobbits, dwarves, elves and other mythical beings) who donned gear and fought wars of seemingly impossible odds against evil because they knew it was doom for them and their families if they did not. In our hearts we all yearn to know that we are significant in such an obvious way.

Power
The thing though is that we hope to find in ourselves that special power, that special gift (which explains why the superhero / Twilight / Harry Potter movies are also so popular) that distinguish us from the rest of the crowd. Unfortunately or fortunately, that is not what the Bible tells us. Apart from God, there is nothing in us that can create anything of significance, especially of eternal significance. It is God's power and ability, working through us that changes the world around us; and is prayer that connects the eternal and temporal, that creates the extraordinary in the ordinary. The consistent theme in the "Lord of the Ring" story echos that. Those who grasped for power (the power of the ring), even for good intentions, were quickly seduced into evil by the power itself. It was the humble, unassuming and faithful Hobbits that won the day in the end.

Conduit
We recently learnt in church about miraculous healing through prayer. As one preacher taught us, when we pray, we become a conduit connecting God's healing power with those who are ill and hurting in our community. Marie was very keen to learn more of this, to have a greater part in this Ministry. "But how would I even come into contact with anyone sick?" she wondered. "Why don't you ask God to show you?" I suggested. After all, if this is God's work, surely He would also set things up.

The Extraordinary Experience
Around this time, God gave Marie an image as she cooked in our kitchen that it would not be just cooking smells that wafted out of our flat. It would also be the aroma of Christ "For we are to God the pleasing aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing." 2 Corinthians 2:15. Quite soon after that, Marie bumped into two ladies staying in our block of flats and found out that they were suffering from serious illnesses. Around this time too we decided to meet with a group of friends from church to pray regularly in our home. We had opportunities to pray, encourage and even give practical help to these two ladies and others. After one of our prayer meetings, we bumped into one of the ladies at the lift lobby. There and then we had a spontaneous time of prayer together with her. She told us that through this difficult times, it seemed at every turn God was there to meet her needs. Even though this was not the best of times, she felt more spiritually alive than she had been in a long time. How amazing is that? When we desire to have a part to play in God's work, He always gives us a chance to join in.

Eyes on heaven, Feet on ground
Two other things happen during this period. Not so pleasant thing. One was the sad news that an eight year old boy who had been in coma for a year plus passed away. It was shocking and tragic. Many people in church were questioning why because there were people who said they had seen visions that this boy would wake up. To me there was no contradiction. Prayer helps us to see that there is a greater reality behind the veil of this physical world. Life does not end because it is ended on earth. The boy did wake up, just not on this side of heaven.  The second incident was when one of our son's bike got stolen right in front of the gate of our flat. Sometime later Marie saw one of the neighbourhood boys with the bike (painted over of course). When Marie questioned him, he had answers to explain away the co-incidence that the two bikes looked so similar. Learning lesson? Lock your bikes up good. While we live in a spiritual reality, our feet are also planted squarely on this physical reality where people will take things that do not belong to them. The extraordinary and the ordinary interlaced and inter-phased - we need to learn to live as dual citizens in both worlds.

Connecting with the Extraordinary One
While I was on leave recently, I realised that it was very difficult to stop working. The work emails intruded into what should be my time to spend on myself and my family. Then it struck me that perhaps it was not the emails, it was me who could not stop working; that fundamentally I feared that I will not be significant if I do not find validation in my work. In John Chapter 4 in the Bible, Jesus stops by a well to ask a Samaritan woman for a drink. Did He really need a drink that He could not get for Himself? No. He asked for a drink so that he had a chance to connect with someone who had been spiritually thirsty for a long time. The years of trying to assuage this thirst with the ordinary things in this world had not worked. Jesus interrupted her daily routine of collecting water from the well - a very mundane, very everyday activity and in that moment the extraordinary exploded into the ordinary; and she was never the same again.

I need that; and I suspect many of us do - the only solution to ordinary is not more ordinary but to let the extraordinary explode into your life. Give it a try :)

(post script: apologies for this rather bare bone formatting and no pictures. Life is busy these days)

Burp Once for Guy Friends!

Friends - a fundamental need
We all need friends. Fundamentally we are all created to have a need to be known and then be liked for no other reason than the good company we provide. We need to know that for some inexplicable reason, our persons are interesting enough and our conversations are funny enough that someone in this whole wide world will want to hang out with us. We need friends more than we're willing to admit - we tell ourselves if we have a family, a good job, financial security, we're set for life. Our heart tells us that's just not true. 


A lunch treat  
So I am glad that recently I could have lunch with my good friends, Kian Woon and Kim Chan.

Who would have thought?
30 years later and still having lunch together

When I started my current job two years ago, it took several months before it hit me that Kim Chan's office was just right across the road. It would be an incredible waste if I did not make time to meet up with him for lunch. Late last year, Kian Woon's work place moved closer to ours as well. This was the first time in all my years of working that good friends were working close by. Knowing that in two years time my workplace would be moving to a new location, the opportunity to meet up with these friends regularly is all the more precious.

Having said that, it still took us scheduling the lunch one month in advance to make it possible. "Can you imagine that?!!" we exclaimed when we finally met up. How impossibly busy our lives had become with work and family commitments.

When we sat down to eat, it took us a while to get into the groove of old friendship. We tried a bit too hard to be nice to each other. For high school buddies who used to snatch food from each others' plates while in school, this was a bit unnatural. I was glad that we got past this initial awkwardness quickly and were soon throwing good natured taunts at one another. (My son Jonah learnt this phrase "good natured taunts" in his English writing class but when he wanted to use it in a composition, he forgot and wrote "well mannered curses" instead, to the great amusement of us all).

1984 - When good dress sense did not prevail ...

I regularly have to remind the perfectionist streak in me that not every encounter with friends needs to be a soul baring event. We talked about many things - family, work, mundane things. We heard that our mutual friends were mentioned in our alma mater as success stories; but not us. We wondered why for a while, shrugged our shoulders and moved on to other things - no big deal. At least for the moment, we cared not about status or success but that we enjoyed each other's company. We laughed a lot - we laughed at each other, laughed with each other. This was genuine, good-friends, no harm intended laughter. I had not felt so relaxed for a long time.

Burp once for guy friends ...
I'm going to say this out loud - guys need guy friends. It's not a gay thing  because it has nothing to do with physical attraction. It has everything to do with being heard, understood and accepted. When physical attraction gets in the way, whether between a man-and-man or man-and-woman, the friendship is never quite the same. Harry explains this in the movie "When Harry met Sally":

When "Harry Met Sally"

The dialogue in text: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098635/quotes?qt=qt0221820

(for those who want to just read it straight can go to the end of the blog)

As the book "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" tried to explain (I think so because I've never actually read it) when a man burps, to a woman it's gross. To us men it's an expression of friendship (if you don't understand this you're not a man). It's about hanging out, kicking back. It's about fishing together and not necessarily catching something.  It's about guys talking guy things. Men need friendships that allow us to say and do things without feeling stupid. The words we say may be inane or they may be significant but what is more important is that someone has heard and understood. In this other movie "City Slickers" (co-incidentally another Billy Crystal movie), three guy friends explore their lives and their friendship:

"City Slickers (1991)"

Old Friends .. get better with age
Counting back, I will have known Kian Woon and Kim Chan for 30 years. When you've known someone for that long, they will change. We watched each other grow up, get married. Now we're watching our kids grow up. Friendships that have managed to last through the decades are special because when you've known someone over such a long time and still want to hang out, you know you've also found a friend who will watch your back.

Friends to journey with me ...

The one secret and critical ingredient to a long friendship is time; and not just facebook or WhatsApp time. Electronic medium is good for keeping in touch but long lasting friendships need real face-to-face to grow. You could not have the experience I did recently when I was meeting up with the guys. They wanted to go to this place with good food for breakfast but I said, "No, too far away. Let's just eat at that coffee shop near my place." Little did I know that the eating place I suggested wasn't open for breakfast. I arrived to find 5 glum looking guys sitting in a dark and empty place. During that breakfast (thankfully there was another good eating place nearby) I happened to take a close look at one of my friend's face and wondered since when his face had become so lined. He's been really successful but was he burdened by something he was not telling us? It's not so much the externals but the stories of friends' internal struggles and victories that cement the friendship.

Friendships begin as people who just want to hang out but it is time that will tell if there is something deeper that will hold it together for the many years to come.


God, our best friend
Yet, all the human friends we have cannot replace the void that God has created in us for His friendship - a void that only He can fill. 

There is one man's friendship with God in the Bible that stands out for me - the story of Enoch:
"When Enoch had lived 65 years, he became the father of Methuselah. After he became the father of Methuselah, Enoch walked faithfully with God 300 years and had other sons and daughters. Altogether, Enoch lived a total of 365 years. Enoch walked faithfully with God; then he was no more, because God took him away." (Genesis 5:21 - 24; NIV, Biblegateway.com). 

Once when I was driving alone, I imagined that God was sitting in the seat next to me. I listened to what God wanted to say to me. Then it came to me in my mind clearly as if someone had spoken, "Chi Hong, you don't have to try so hard to be perfect, you know. It's not as if I don't know what you're really like inside there."

A gentle rebuke from a true friend; and the tiniest fraction of what Enoch must have experienced. God always has our back, He will never change. He will always be a friend, even when He knows what you're like inside there. He loves you for no other reason than that He likes your company. Enoch hung out with God as a friend everyday of his life. He took God's promise of friendship literally and lived that out. What an experience that will be when we learn to be as Enoch was with God.

"He who knows you best loves you most." Josh McDowell.


Prologue:
For those who would rather not watch the When Harry Met Sally YouTube Snippet.

From www.imdb.com

Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends. 
Sally Albright: Why not? 
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way. 
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved. 
Harry Burns: No you don't. 
Sally Albright: Yes I do. 
Harry Burns: No you don't. 
Sally Albright: Yes I do. 
Harry Burns: You only think you do. 
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge? 
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you. 
Sally Albright: They do not. 
Harry Burns: Do too. 
Sally Albright: They do not. 
Harry Burns: Do too. 
Sally Albright: How do you know? 
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her. 
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive? 
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too. 
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU? 
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story. 
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then. 
Harry Burns: I guess not. 
Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York. 

Birthday Thoughts - Blessings or Rewards?

Birthday once again

September is birthday month for me – the time of the year to look back at my journey so far and to look forward to what's ahead.

My  personal baker - Marie!

Blessings

I'm still happily married to my wife, Marie, of 14 years. We have 4 healthy, handsome boys. I still have friends from my school days and have gained new friends along the way. I have a pretty respectable job which I enjoy (most days) and work hard at. I have a roof over my family's head and we have enough for a comfortable life. I'm currently enrolled in a Masters program which I enjoy. By anyone’s standards I suppose I've done well in life so far. Generally I do have a positive outlook. Yet, I find lurking in the recesses of my mind feelings of discontent that are not of God.

Discontentment

These feelings surface in very ordinary, daily scenarios. When I drive into my workplace car park in my cute little Kia Picanto and come face-to-face with the Lexuses, Mercedes, BMWs and even the occasional Ferrari, the ill winds of discontent blow through my mind. I try to be ‘holier-than-thou’ by telling myself that I chose the right thing – to have kids instead of luxury cars. At the end of my life, my kids will appreciate me more than any car ever will. Then the next question arises ‘Why do I not earn enough to afford both – kids and luxury cars?’ Some of my contemporaries have clearly done well enough to do so. Why did God not bless me so? Was I doing something wrong?

Yummy Birthday Cake!

By God's Grace

This month as I reflect on my life, God wanted me to learn this statement – “By God’s Grace, what I have and where I am are exactly what God wants me to have and to be”.

“By God's grace" sounds humble and pious but it is false humility unless I really believe it. Many times when I said "It's by God's grace..." what I actually meant was that I was good and made good choices. Therefore I deserved these good things that I was blessed with. So whenever I felt that others had ‘more’ or ‘better’ things than me, the feelings of discontent would come again.

Take the example of the cars again - if I had a Porsche and someone said, "Wah, super car!" I would say "by God's grace - He blessed me with this car" (meaning I worked hard and deserved this car). But if someone said "Wah, super car!" to my Kia Picanto (trust me, no one has ever said that), I would say "Yeah, it was cheap and I grabbed it" (meaning actually I deserved better).

Blessings or Rewards?
Many people say “I don’t want children because they affect my lifestyle and I cannot afford them.” If we are convinced that children are God’s blessings to us, then what we’re saying would be “I don’t want God’s blessings because they affect my lifestyle and I cannot afford 

Family Birthday Dinner

them.” We can’t receive and enjoy God’s blessings when we think of them as rewards that we deserve because of our hard work and good behaviour. Even though Marie and I have been blessed four times by God, there are many, many days when the boys make us wonder “Why God? Why did you have to give us these blessings? Wouldn’t a round-the-world trip for two have been better a better reward?” Seeing the boys as blessings is a lesson that Marie and I have to learn over and over again.

Good Choices & Control

Also, the premise that I could make good choices all on my own is utterly wrong. Left to my own devices and without God’s guidance, I would have made all the wrong choices in life. I sometimes wonder what life would be like if I hadn’t married Marie. She still chides me for making her wait for such a long time before I asked her to be my steady girlfriend. Somehow whenever she wanted to give up on me, we would meet up unexpectedly and give her hope again (OK, as promised, this is a story that I shall tell soon). Say what you will, there is only one reason for that – God was maneuvering us together in the background.

The stakes keep getting bigger and bigger as I got older as well. As I climbed higher in the career ladder, gained more social and professional credibility, had more bills and loans to pay for, had more people dependent on me, life got more and more complex; and less and less under my control. I could strain with all my might and work myself to exhaustion, yet I could not promise you what will happen tomorrow. There is only one who can promise this and that is God. It is good to know that the One who controls the universe also has my best interest in His heart.

Another celebration - Waffle and Ice Cream

Jesus - He took our pain

So “By God’s Grace, what I have and where I am are exactly what God wants me to have and to be” is not only a statement that reminds me to be humble and also gives me peace that He has everything under control.

What is more amazing is that as flawed, fallible people, God’s Grace is big enough to accommodate even our wrongs and bad choices. We do not have to earn God’s good graces to receive His blessings. His Grace even takes into account our failures and provides for that.

The other day when I turned on my mobile phone Bible app, it displayed the verses for the day: Isaiah 53: 3-5.

He was despised and rejected—
    a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief.
We turned our backs on him and looked the other way.
    He was despised, and we did not care.

⁴ Yet it was our weaknesses he carried;
    it was our sorrows that weighed him down.
And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God,
    a punishment for his own sins!
⁵ But he was pierced for our rebellion,
    crushed for our sins.
He was beaten so we could be whole.
    He was whipped so we could be healed.

                        New Living Translation (through www.biblegateway.com)

Honestly I was in no mood that day to read about Jesus getting beaten up. Who wants to start the day with such morbid thoughts? I wanted to go the book of ‘Romans’ to receive God’s Words of Grace for the day but the phone insisted on displaying Isaiah 53 in spite of my attempts. God wanted me to know that the very Grace I wanted from Him was possible only because His punishments for me were meted out to Jesus instead. And no matter how terrible I think my life is; yes, there is someone else who life was worse than mine. God put upon Jesus the terrible things that should have happened to me so that He could bless me with the good things. No matter how wearisome and burdensome I feel, I need to remember that what could have been worse in my life did not happen to me because it was hung there on the cross with Jesus.

Peace

This is what makes it worth it!

The other day in church, I had been tending to Samuel for what felt like an eternity during service. He had been climbing up and down and had not stayed still even for a brief moment. I was sweating from carrying him and running after him. For a break, I carried him out of the sanctuary onto the third floor, hoping that he would settle down and sleep. As I looked downstairs to the ground floor, I saw a super cool looking Mercedes drive into the car park. I had this strange feeling all of a sudden. For once I didn’t feel envious of the guy with the Mercedes. I felt a sense of thankfulness for the both of us – he with his car and me with my wriggly kid. If I believed that we were both blessed with exactly what God wanted us to have then I should be happy for both of us; and I was! It was a strange feeling that I was not used to but for once the spirit of envy was stilled; and it felt good (… Samuel fell asleep soon after that too J).

Post Note:

I felt that I needed to qualify a few statements in this blog:

1. The blog is talking about contentment with my day to day living. There is such a thing as holy discontent with where we are Spiritually. I believe when we don’t get caught up with discontentment in material matters that we feel spiritual discontentment and yearn for more of God. There is great danger in spiritual stagnation masquerading as contentment.

2. The statements about children only apply if you are clear that God specifically wants to bless you with children. God blesses each one of us with different things. There is no one size fits all. The danger for those of us who have children is when we display them as medals of valour and make those who don’t have children feel guilty.

3. A friend said after listening to me compare my Picanto to a Porsche once again, “Are you sure you’re a car person? You don’t really look like one.” Guilty as charged but you understand why I chose this illustration, yes? It’s a guy thing.

Rules, Laws and Commandments

Courageous

My church is very keen for the men to watch this movie called "Courageous". We watched the last 30 minutes of the show last night during our men's fellowship. It was an O.K. show  - a lot of "emo" music. I guess that's why they turned off the lights. Later pastor said, "Don't know why my eyes so teary tonight." OK, OK, so mine were a bit wet too - the room was quite dusty, you know.

The show was about these four men who committed themselves to doing the right thing at work and at home. In so doing they were blessed and much blessed by their family and friends. 

It begins with the heart ...
Much as I wanted to 'pooh pooh' the show, I was surprised by how relevant it actually was. In the past week at work, someone told me that the letters I sent out stipulating the roles and responsibilities of committees were unnecessary - nobody would feel any obligation to follow the words of those letters.

"Sure", I said, "I know these letters can't bind anybody. It really boils down to what you believe in your heart." 

"What!?", was the reply, "What century are you living in? Who ever talks about the heart nowadays?"

Growing them up right ... from the heart

 Sometimes these type of responses at work make me feel naive and ignorant as if I were no more than a small child. But isn't this what we were taught growing up? Always do the right thing, help one another, don't lie, don't be tempted by money. It's as if as adults some people decided they could give themselves a discount. The rules were true but it didn't apply to them 100% anymore. 

Discounts
It seems more and more adults have been giving themselves such discounts lately. In the past few months, the local newspapers have been filled with reports of government officers, doctors, lawyers, CEOs, teachers and even pastors who have gotten in trouble with the law. What's the world coming to when the very people whom we looked up to for what is good and honourable also failed the morality test?

We don't like talking about them ...
Laws, rules, commandments - nowadays it's passe to talk about them .... but we can't ignore the fact that they're still there, especially when a line is crossed.

When Marie and I got married, we chose this passage to be our wedding verse:

Deuteronomy 6:4-9
Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

Boys only club - God calls us to teach them His Word.

So I guess it shows what Marie and my views are on discipline. Some people have asked me how we run a household of four boys. I jokingly say, "Like an army camp", but seriously, we do have a number of rules in the household so that it doesn't fall apart. 

Umbrella of Protection 
When the boys were much younger, one of my rules were "No two people shall play with the same toy at the same time in this house!". This is sort of in line with the comedian Bill Cosby's rule in his book "Fatherhood". He laid it down after his children had repeatedly poked and irritated each other - "No one is to touch no one in this house for the rest of their lives!"

But seriously, the boys' playschool teacher used to teach them that obeying their parents is like having an umbrella of protection over them. We found this analogy a very useful reminder whenever we had to discipline. 

Now in their tween and teenage years, we are teaching them to internalise their own sense of right or wrong. We emphasise that the greater freedom and choice of adulthood comes with the need to demonstrate greater self-control, to have better decision making and to be honourable at all times - especially when no one is watching.

Obeying can be hard sometimes ...

We remind them that we will only be around for just that many years to tell them what is right or wrong. Beyond that, society and the law will kick in if they are still unable to distinguish good from bad for themselves as adults. Marie and I read somewhere that the job of the parent to prepare their children to leave the home as independent adults begins the minute the children are born. I guess with these four boys that God has given to us, we feel the great responsibility to make sure they grow up to be God-fearing men, tender husbands, loving fathers and productive members of society.

The fruits of discipline
I have always worried that I have 'over-disciplined' Joshua, my firstborn. One of my concerns is that he would turn out to be shy, awkward and have unrealistic expectations on people just like me. However, it continues to surprise me how popular he is among friends and their parents. He gets lots of invitations to homes and parties (we call him the social butterfly); and we often receive compliments from other parents about how well behaved he is. We have reminded Joshua that this is one of the benefits of having learnt self-discipline. Parents are more inclined to agree to their kids hanging out with well-behaved kids. We are also more confident in letting Joshua go for these activities.

How to raise a teenager
However, the rules of the game of son-raising keeps changing. As parents we're learning that there is a different set when it comes to raising teenagers.  

Recently Joshua had so many social and extra-school activities that we barely saw him; and when we did see him, he was too tired to engage us properly. We decided that this was unacceptable and some parental control needed to be exerted. Parents of old would have said, "You think what, this house is your hotel is it??!!" (Marie reminded me to write that I did say that to him in one of my angry moments recently).

Negotiations ...

A proud moment!

As I mentioned I have gone back to school recently. I find the lessons useful not just at work but also at home. One of the modules was on negotiations. I was taught that one of the most common mistake of negotiations is fighting first for a position i.e. what is the right thing to do on opposing sides, rather than first talking about and thoroughly understanding each parties' concerns before deciding on a win-win plan of action. Marie and I could have fought for a position with Joshua - "You better be home by 5pm every day", "No going out with friends except during school holidays." But we spoke first about  our concerns  - "We love you and want to spend more quality time with you. We're concerned we never get to see you and don't know what is happening to you." This helped him to understand where we were coming from. 

We did eventually come to an agreement on some positions - "No late night movies - home by 8pm latest" but we also found creative ways to increase contact time with him,  e.g., picking him up from school rather than expecting him to come home by himself. Ultimately he still preserved a significant portion of his social life and we also had more time with him through the week.

Back to the heart again

Coming back to my job again, I am thankful that it does not require me to make any large scale purchase decisions for the organisation and expose me to temptation. Nevertheless, I realised that the organisation gives me a much greater latitude to make decisions compared to more junior staff. I could sit and gloat that I would never be caught in a similar situation as those reported in the newspapers but I would be on dangerous, slippery ground.

The point is that the fewer external controls there are to check a person, the more internal controls he must have to stick to the narrow path of righteousness. As it says in Matthew 7:13 - "Wide is the gate and broad is the path that leads to destruction." 

20 years of working

Contrary to my colleague's belief, the truth is that the heart is exactly where the battle is fought. This year I would have worked for exactly twenty years. It is the daily waking up to another day of choosing and doing the right thing that has kept me enthusiastic and passionate about work all these years. I am certainly not perfect but I do try every day. Over time it seems the good does build up and that is what gives me a sense of satisfaction at work.

Entry level good ...

Almost as tall as his dad.

I am also learning in ethics class that compliance to human laws is but the entry level to standards of  justice and righteous. We should not be lulled into complacency to think that we're OK just because we haven't broken any human laws. God calls us to a greater level of holiness and righteousness based on His standards in the Bible. When I am faced with such standards, I can no longer gloat but humbly recognise that I am a sinner in need of His Grace. 

The Pharisees got it wrong ...

For years when I tried to obey God's rules I would grit my teeth and flog myself for every slip. I thought this was the right way but actually it only produced in me a Pharisee, not a loving child of God. I am learning that love is a two way process and that the way to learn to obey is not teeth gritting nor self-flagellation but the understanding that God loves me. His commandments are another doorway into understanding His love for me.

Jesus - the true model of good

Jesus said when He was on earth, “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them. Anyone who does not love me will not obey my teaching." (John 14:23-24)." When Jesus was on earth He repeatedly criticised the Pharisees for their legality and burdensome laws (many self-invented and not from God). That was not a model of a person who loved and obeyed God. Jesus Himself was the perfect model. He was the only person who ever obeyed God fully and yet He had such love for people that they were always drawn to Him.

Like father like son ...

God calls us not to robotic obedience. If only Adam and Eve had talked to God about not eating from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil they would have learnt more of God's love for them. Instead, they accepted at face value the deceitful words of the serpent that God was denying them good things. In believing the serpent and rejecting God they damaged their relationship with Him.

'No' can be good for you!

I have a friend who tells these wonderful stories on Facebook about her daughters. Recently, she told a story about one of her daughters who caught her eating a bag of chips past its expiry date. Her daughter asked for some;  and of course the answer was 'No'. Not willing to accept the answer, her daughter pressed in to ask, 'Why, Mom?'. I am not sure if her daughter will remember why she was not allowed to eat expired potato chips but I am sure she will remember the good time she had talking to her mother.

So this is what God calls us to - to love and obey His Laws; and in so doing, to love Him and to know His love as well. Amen.

Healthy, Wealthy & Wise? (Epilogue)

You read how I blogged ... this is how I actually acted

I decided to post this as an epilogue to my previous blog on God the healer. For all that I had written about my theoretically, what would I really do when I fell sick? 

Fever, Chills and Shivers... but it's pain that started the prayers

For once I knew when I fell sick exactly. It was during an online lecture I was attending at midnight on Tuesday. I started coughing and my throat felt strange. I woke up Wednesday morning with my body aching all over. "Must be that too small chair I sat on for the one hour lecture", I thought. Then the fever, chills and shivering came, my teeth was chattering even though the air-con in my room was not turned up high.

The description was quite classical for a viral fever. But what was disturbing were these unexpected and repeated stabs of pain on the left side of the back of my head. I could not explain why I had these. I thought of several possibilities but none really fit.

Through this I must confess, I prayed little, thinking that it's a viral fever. don't be a baby, you know it'll go away in a few days. On Friday I thought 'what if it were dengue?'. So I went for a blood test and surprisingly, the test was completely normal, not even a sign of infection.

I Finally Start Praying

On Saturday, the fever went away on but the pain in my head still persisted. Stab, stab, stab - a few times every hour. What could it be? A viral neuropathy? Swollen lymph nodes? Muscle spasm? The medical roulette spun but nothing really fit... I started to get a bit worried and the pain was extremely irritating. Only then on Saturday evening did I start praying.

At church we've been taught that God can give indication to the congregation through specific words describing the illness and specific individuals.

Honestly, I've had a healthy skepticism of receiving and releasing of these words of healing from God. You see, God and I, we keep things simple between us. When I'm sick I tell God, "I'm miserable, I want to get well; and can you please make it quick?" (My wife has 4 children to take care of, she doesn't have much time to listen to me whine). I don't really know much about this healed by a 'released word'. But even in my pain, I couldn't keep that skeptic in me at bay.


As I prayed, I told God if I am to believe in this, He should give a word to somebody at service on Sunday that would describe exactly the pain I had and exactly where I was sitting at service; and that when the word was released, I was to be healed immediately. 


I don't always get an immediate answer from God but sometimes I do; and this was one of those times. I could almost feel God roll His eyes at me (no disrespect intended) that I would try to make something that was so simple become so complicated between us. God said "Come on Chi Hong, you know that these types of messages are not meant for you. You want the pain to be gone, right? There, it's gone."


God Heals - He doesn't just say He wants to, He does!

And it was! I immediately felt a loosening on the back of my head and I knew the pain was gone. I'm ashamed to say that my first reaction was to try to remember when was the last time I took my pain killers. Were they kicking in just at that point in time? But it's been one night, one morning and one afternoon now. I've not had to take any medicine and the pain's gone. 

There was no word released for healing today at service but I can tell you I put all my gusto into worshiping God. What happened was something special between God and me. I know God got the last laugh (as He always does) but I can't help smiling too every time I think of this. Thanks God, you really made my day.